Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/8/2010

Question
Thank you so much for everything Dennis! This really helped a lot. I am also starting to realize that I only need a couple of guys interested in me in a time, not 20...if all 20 first dates asked me back for a second date, it would be too overwhelming! haha

There is just one more thing I am curious on your opinion about, before I stop bugging you. Everyone has different opinions on this but what is your feeling on sending a brief follow-up thank you email (I would never call a guy after a date) thanking him again and telling him you had a good time? Some people would say that's desperate, but does a one-line "thank you" email really make a girl look desperate? What are your thoughts on a girl following up after a date? My friend who's a dating coach in DC says that a girl should absolutely not contact a guy after a date. Thoughts? Ciao

Abigail

Answer
Hello Abigail!

Why would you never call a guy after a date? What sort of dumb rule is that??? Are you afraid that he might actually want to see you again?

You girls are terrified of looking "desperate". That, my dear, is absolutely ridiculous! You call him after a date to say you enjoyed his company and would love to do it again and you think that makes you look "desperate"???

Abigale! There isn't a guy I've talked to in the last 10 years that would think such a thing. This is a myth YOU GIRLS continue to keep alive amongst yourselves. It's RUDE not to thank someone for entertaining and spending time with you! Come on here!

Just a few months ago, I was in a bar talking to a friend and this girl comes up and stands right in front of me, points her finger at my nose and says, "You need to meet me!" I was shocked at first but put my hand out and said, "Hi, I'm Dennis." She introduced herself and we had a chat. Even to this day, I don't think she was "desperate"! In fact, I think she was strategic!

Use some common sense here Abigail. Do you REALLY think that ignoring a guy after a date is going to make him MORE interested in you? (Answer: no fucking way!) This guy is going to think you weren't interested or that you're a selfish, stuck up bitch!

Would you treat your girlfriends this way? Let's say that you and a new female friend went out and had a great time one night. Are you not going to call her the next day and tell her you really enjoyed seeing her and that you'd love to do it again? Of course not! Are you afraid she might think you're desperate? Of course not!!!!

A cold, heartless one-line "thank you" email says exactly the same thing and is just as bad! It says lout and clear:

"Hey - you weren't important enough to me to give any thought or effort to this and besides, I didn't have a good time with you anyway so I'll send you this sarcastic [EXACTLY how it comes off!], no effort, no warmth, technology-based, filtered 'thank you' just because I probably have to. This way, if I DO happen to ever see you again at least I can claim I thanked you for your lousy effort and I'll have proof of it to show you I'm not a selfish, self-centered, demanding, immature little bitch."

Really Abigail, what in the HELL are you thinking here? Unfortunately, I don't remember our original conversation because I get so many of these questions every single day, but if you were writing to me because you can't get a second date or because the guys turn off to you or whatever, this is why!

Your friend that is a DC dating coach is a pure idiot! She absolutely doesn't know what she's doing and you should ignore EVERYTHING she tells you! She got this advice from some other idiot that didn't know what they were doing either. They simply heard this and vomited it up all over you and god knows how many other poor women? Can you imagine just how many incredible, potential relationships this woman has DESTROYED with this ignorance?

How fucking stupid do you have to be to "coach" someone to be a rude, inconsiderate bitch thinking THAT's going to attract some guy? Abigail, trust me, it won't.

Sheesh!!!

Sorry if this is turning into a rant, but in fact, I actually see other so-called "experts" even telling women right here on this very board to do the same thing! I talk to these ignoramuses on the radio and TV and they even try to defend this stupid shit. Then, when I ask them to show me their proof, they fall down crying like little children! They don't need "proof" because well, everyone just "KNOWS" this.

Oh yeah? Well, I have a very, very large body of research that proves just how caustic all this really is.

She may be a "coach" but it's for the losing team.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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