Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/24/2010

Question
QUESTION: Hi there,
My name is Joe, the question I have is how can I get a girl for a relationship! I've hooked up with quite a few girls, less of late, since I had a falling out with a group of friends who were more or less 'wingmen'. Since this happened i have been in a bit of a drought...I seem to fail when it comes to girls without my mates with me!  

I also have quite high standards..which I cant seem to change...girls my friends go out with I wouldnt consider going out with. At the same time I like girls who arnt all that attractive but have awesome personalities more than your average makeup caked paris hilton wannabe. If you can make sense of that.
I live a very active lifestyle and I am a personal trainer, and I know that I have a good body, im outgoing and all the stuff girls are "supposed to like" in a guy. (except im not tanned, which sucks haha).

There are a few girls I sort of know that I would go out with, like, in a heartbeat. But I have no idea how to even make the process even start happening.

If you can tell from my 'Question' im really confused about it all and just need some general help in the girls department and selling myself towards girls!

Thanks a tonne!

ANSWER: Hello Joe!

First of all, you're mistaken about what women really look for in men. MEN look for the things you've listed. Women are far different from this. In fact, this all equates to your current situation - a general lack of knowledge about women.

Let me start here: if you want to get the education you need, I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". They are all about specifically what you're asking. I call this "conversion".

It means: "converting" to an initial approach, "converting" to rapport and connection building, "converting" to a "close" (getting digits, dates, sex, etc.), "converting" contacts into dates, dates into sex, sex into relationships and a tonne more.

You can see why this is far beyond what I can do for you via one or even one hundred of these messages! But then, I don't have to. It's already contained in the books.

The entire notion of "selling yourself" to women is also a mistaken one. You don't do that at all. In fact, you can't.

This is the same mistaken belief that I deal with every day for instance where guys come to me and want to know the "perfect" pick-up line. I'm sure you know that there isn't such a thing, but do you know why not? Know why not is the important part - not just knowing the fact itself.

The reason is simple: these guys think that if they have the perfect line and deliver it in just the right way that some girl will fall in love with them right then and there, do all their work for them and they won't have to take any risks. It's the "sure thing" mentality and simply doesn't exist.

On the flip side, there are loads of things that DO work - and work very, very well! Getting the education in that is what I hope for you. Your own success will be the measure of how much you learn - or don't.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for the answer,
but thats just it. Im at the point where I do not understand what girls want. I mean..throughout school I watched girls go for the "popular/hot" guys over and over, and since school split I havn't seen a huge change in anything. Please dont think im some macho body builder guy, im far from it. Im definantly not your generic personal trainer.

I am generally pretty quiet and conservative, thats why I said "help selling myself" haha, although I admit it sounds pretty stupid.
Can you give me any ideas about what women generally look for in guys?

Cause I have been talking to this girl and I struggle to tell if shes interested in me at all..although I get the indication she sort of is...ive delt with some pretty harsh rejection in my past to which hasn't helped my self esteem levels when it comes to girls...for years at school I was "that fat kid"

Sorry for the rambling post, but yeh can you give me any general ideas or advice? (other than buying your book, which i will take a look at finding!) =P

Thanks!

Joe  

Answer
Hello again Joe!

Yes, I fully agree - you don't know what girls want! You can't use high school or college as a measure of how things work in the real world.

Yes, I can give you the top 5 things women look for in men:

1) Power
2) Confidence
3) Sense of humor
4) Genuineness
5) Masculinity

You see, the problem (again) is that you don't know how to express any of this! Take power for instance. That doesn't mean that you have to be a top CEO of a company to score with women. Women define power in many different ways. You'd have to first determine what the particular woman sees power as to know how to begin expressing it to her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"