Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/8/2011

Question
QUESTION: This is gonna be a strange question. There's a Playboy Playmate, who I have met once at a convention. We keep on touch on Twitter. Just friendly battering back and forth. She sent me a friend request on Facebook too..so I have her there too. I won't mention her name. But she's still involved with Playboy and does many events. She is always on the go. She had a boyfriend, but they broke up. I think the fact that she is constantly traveling let to the break up. I've told her that I care about her as a person and would like to get to know her.  I generally keep it friendly with the tweets. She usually gives me short little responses. I know what kind of guy she likes..musicians. And I am not one. I know she gets hit on a million times a day/week..but I try to act cool with her. I don't treat her like a Playmate..just a regular girl. I think she appreciates that..but I feel that I am barking up the wrong tree. Considering who Playboy Playmates usually date...I feel way out of her league. unless I win the lottery. Any advice?

ps..her boyfriend(I think he was in some local LA band) and really was a no one. not a celeb.

ANSWER: Hello Vinny!

Actually, this isn't as strange a question as you think it is! I actually get similar ones pretty regularly.

The biggest thing you have working against you is your own belief that you're out of her league. That's not really the case here, but by you thinking it - in even the most remote way - makes it so. Your own subconscious mind is going to always work against you while you hold even the smallest flicker of that belief. If you really want to date her, you're going to have to change that right away.

I've dated a number of Playmates, and let me tell you - they aren't what they're cracked up to be. I know I'm not going to change your mind on this, but if you are able to move this forward, you'll hopefully remember you heard it here first!

Forget what she does for a living. It's absolutely meaningless and frankly, not at all an accurate representation of who or what she is. You've got to get past all of that and deal with her directly on a much different level.

You need to understand that she's just a woman - just like every other one you pass on the street. Nothing more. Don't give her any great value in your mind or you'll be compelled to do things that she will see instantly as you not having enough value to date her.

You see, all women - Playboy Playmates to hotel maids to women soldiers to female brick-layers all have the exact same set of needs. While going into all of these is beyond the scope of this question (or my time to answer it) the most important of these is this: power.

In fact, women report power as the #1 most important thing they look for in the men they date. More specifically, it's having greater power than they do in some particular way or area.

That musician boyfriend of hers? He had some specific "power" that was attractive to her. He was very likely "under-employed" too and probably made far less than she does. Thus, it wasn't financial power she was looking for. What it was however, I can't tell you unless I knew her and her ex.

What you have to do then is:

1) Figure out what sort of power she's attracted to
2) Find out how to maximize that specific power source in yourself
3) Be able to express (or "sell") that power-benefit to her

By the way, this is true of any woman you date - not just a Playmate. This has nothing to do whatsoever with winning the lottery at all. It's about finding, building and expressing this power in a way she can understand.

Vinny, I strong urge you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II". They are very specifically about these things. They will teach you how to do this quickly and easily in a way that she'll pick right up on. It's a small investment in your education, but a huge one in your future.

Perhaps the biggest value these books will give you is to understand why YOU are the prize - and why she isn't. It's that very belief - and the resolve to keep it - that'll get you in with her or any "high-value target" you come across. Trust me when I say they'll change your perspective and your life.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: OK..follow up question. I am at the point that I believe I can actually if not hook up with her, at least be friends. My only question is...how do I get her to ask me questions about me? Obviously she can see how I think on Twitter and find out info about me on Facebook. But I want her to actually WANT to get to know me. I am pretty sure she likes me. I sometimes send her sweet little messages on Twitter like "When I think of you, I smile". and she sends me a :) face. I want her to be comfortable to open up to me. Of course that's hard to do via the internet. And I don't want to come across as desperate or creepy by asking her to ask me stuff. I almost have an idea to ask her "If I came to LA, would you wanna meet up?" I don't know if that's too forward or would come across as creepy too. I want her to get out of just one words or emoticons as form of communication.
Really I want her to take an interest in me on her own, not just when I ask her questions or leave comments. And it's hard to figure out what "power" she is attracted to through :)  So I have her interest..just don't know what the next step is. Especially via internet without a personal face to face and being bi-coastal. On a another note, I asked to tag some pics of us on her Facebook and she said ok. She even tagged a pic. When some other guys tagged pics of her and them, she deleted them. That kinda says something. I guess because of the fact that I had enough respect to ask first. I don't know. I am trying to be nice to her friends too. Also..to fill in the blanks about the ex-boyfriend..he is a bartender. My guess due to her constant traveling, he got tired of only seeing her like once every other week. Anyways..thanks in advance for the answer. I guess I just have to be patient.

Answer
Hello again Vinny!

Decided to go it alone, huh?

Why in the hell would you want to be her "friend"? That's a total waste of your time.

As far as getting her to ask you questions, this comes right back to what I said before. If she has some interest in you she'll want to get to know you and thus, will ask you questions about yourself. If she doesn't ask, it's because you haven't created enough value in her mind. She's the prize (to you) and she damn well knows it. Thus, she has to do nothing to earn you - she gets you for free.

You and about 5,000 other jackasses are sending her these "sweet messages". Then, someone like me comes along that doesn't do all this and the girl gets all gooey. Vinny, DO NOT think you're doing anything "special" for her by sending her these "sweet little messages". You're just solidifying that you're just like every other horny, drunk guy out there in her mind.

You may have to trust me on this. As I've said, I've dated a number of Playmates (and many other high-value targets). These girls get INUNDATED with this crap from guys that don't know any better. They use your own ignorance against you to set the off-switch (for you) in their minds. I've actually sat at these girl's computers and watch them flood in. The girls actually make jokes about these guys - what desperate, horny losers they must be. Then, they send the smiley-face to all the guys to get them to keep sending the messages - and often, money and gifts and constant offers.

There you have it.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"