Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/30/2011

Question
This topic is fairly common so I apologize for throwing it at you but I could use some guidance. I currently live with my best friend. We're both 24. He has a 25 year old sister who lives nearby. I've known them both for 11 good years and am close with their family. His sister and I are good friends and fairly close. I've never really been in love before but I know it in my heart that I'm head over heels for her. I can honestly say there's nothing more that I want than to be with her. We've hung out and done things together like go to theme parks and stuff. We even spent a Valentine's Day together and went to a singles event because we had no one to spend the day with. I've been completely infatuated with her for about 2 years. But my best friend isn't too keen on letting his friends try to date his sister; he may be younger but he poses as an older brother type. I can't find anyone more compatible than her. We share so many things in common and I can truly see myself spending my time with her, maybe even my life. I cry at the thought of not having her and know full well that I can't. It hurts, to say the least. I know I can never be with her (or at least that's what I tell myself) so I'm trying to get rid of these feelings. I just don't know what to do or how to continue with my predicament. I don't think I can attract her, or at least I won't try because of her brother/my best friend. Any advice would be so helpful.

Answer
Hello Brad!

So, let me get this straight.

* Your best friend doesn't want someone he knows and trusts to date his sister.
* You've spent at least the last two years doing nothing about this except hurting and "crying" about it.
* You've convinced yourself that you won't ever have her
* You're scared to even try

So, what do you want from me exactly?

If you're trying to rid yourself of the attraction to this girl, it's going to take a complete purge of everything about her from your life. You're going to need to move and dissolve your friendship with her brother (because your friend is a constant reminder of her).

You're going to have to go through all your things and remove any remnants of her from them. That includes photos, email addresses, phone numbers, texts, gifts - everything. If it reminds you of her in even the slightest way, you're going to have to get rid of it.

You're going to get some discipline over your own mind and thoughts. Every time that you float back to those thoughts you're going to have to stop yourself and fix it.

If you find you can't do these things, you can also get some personal coaching time from my website. I can help you with this in a very direct, clean way over just a session or two.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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