Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/29/2011

Question
Dear Dr. Neder

In your book "Being a man in a woman's world I", you write that one of the important points to pass a woman's tests is to never relinquish control of the relationship. I need some more elaboration on this matter.

What do you mean by not relinquishing control of the relationship? Do you mean ideal men in women's eyes can control and "tame" women easily? Do you mean he can exert a lot of influence on the relationship? What kind of skills come into play if a man is to never relinquish control of the relationship??

Thanks for shedding some light on this issue.

Farshad

Answer
Hello Farshad!

No, that's not what I mean. Your perspective is about control. Mine is about leadership.

Let's look at this from another perspective:

There are two types of power - that which is taken by force and that which is given willingly. We have a natural, in-borne sense to follow those that have power. When world leaders attend events, even people that don't agree with them give them respect and courtesies. Like many other animals, humans are pack animals too and respond in the same way to these "pack hierarchies".

In relationships, women want to naturally respond to someone they respect, love and care for. In fact they need this because it's about creating safety and security. No woman can ever feel love for someone that they don't feel safe and secure with.

Leadership creates this sense.

I often talk about the difference between being "dominant" and being "domineering". The latter; being domineering "takes" power. People (men in particular, but women aren't immune to it) that lack other options to power will try to take it via various methods; force, intimidation, coercion, humiliation, trickery, etc.

Dominance on the other hand is a trait that requires none of these tactics. It expresses itself with confidence, sense of humor and in many other ways.

So, what does all this have to do with passing women's Tests? Simple: you pass them with dominance, not by being domineering.

This isn't about controlling with an iron fist. It's about being in control such that women that Test you WANT to give you this power. They trust you to use it well.

The guy that tries to address the surface of a Test ignores the underlying meaning. He's focused on the wrong things and thus, fails the test and loses the trust, safety and security she's hoping to gain from him.

The guy that can pass these Tests deals with the source of the issue because he understands where it comes from. This isn't about "taming" women at all. It's about creating an environment where they want to give you that control - because they feel safe in doing so. The techniques in the book discuss exactly this.

I hope that helps!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
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Remington Publications
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Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
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