Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/7/2011

Question
I'm a high schooler, and this is definitely when relationships start to heat up. I really like this girl in my JROTC class. I'm the Platoon Sergeant, and she's one of the squad members for first squad. Recently, our Company got a few new cadets, so they were distributed amongst the platoons. While the squad leader for first squad has been teaching the new cadet in his squad how to drill, I've been appointed to keep the drill for the squad in good shape while the squad leader gets the new cadet situated. I see this girl every day. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are days where I'm constantly around her due to drilling, uniform, and PT. Tuesday and Thursday are when we stay in class, so I don't see her as much. However, every day, I wait for her to leave the class across from mine and I walk with her for a minute or two until we split to go to our next class. I want to tell her I like her, but I'm too nervous to do it. I've always been really shy around girls, despite growing up in a house full of them. I'm too nervous to tell her when I see her and when I try to tell her, I end up stuttering and babbling and looking like an utter fool. If you can give me any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

Answer
Hello Marcus!

DO NOT tell her you like her!!

Marcus, I fully understand why you want to do this, but trust me, it's not going to work. You want to tell her because you don't know what else to do, and you are hoping that she likes you back so that you won't have to take any more risks.

I'm sorry to tell you, that's simply not how it all works! The very best you can hope for is "interest" not "attraction". You can easily build attraction however.

Instead, figure out something for you and she to do that would be fun. One day when you see her, ask her why she joined JROTC and what she likes about it. (It's good that you only have a few minutes to talk when she leaves class!)

At the end of the walk just say that it was fun talking to her and invite her to join you doing that fun thing so you and she can talk more. Suggest a couple of days that would be good and get her number at the same time.

Marcus, it's really that easy! You can do this!

Here's the other benefit of this: instead of being too nervous and stumbling over your words, this is going to make it much, much easier for you and you won't look foolish at all.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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