Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/3/2011

Question
I grew up in India and had quite some situations that locked out the Real-ME...at 40+ I still only carry good looks and am fit yet I have neither attracted a Woman to myself, never grabbed any woman's attention and if I try to smile its more a put off! I am unable to reciprocate a look - which is rather rare. And I am unable to have a woman light up to me to smile. How exactly can I break the shackles and come out of myself?? Till date I have been unsuccessful! Also my photgraphs on FB or any dating site has failed to draw any female interest, such as Friend Invites, despite my friends agreeing that those are great pix of me! It must be the aura thing that sends out something!

Answer
Hello Greg!

You're going after entirely the wrong things here Greg. That's why you're not building interest in women.

First of all, I see a ton of this coming out of India today. The Indian culture is very different from western culture and lacks much of the sophistication you need to be successful in the dating world here. In fact, I'm working with a number of your countrymen on this very same issue!

I call this the "Bollywood Syndrome". So much of what is happening in the media in India right now (and for the past number of years) is affecting both men and women in that country and elsewhere. Tie this to so many other poor dating/relationship customs like arranged marriages, "love at first sight" beliefs and much more and you have a complete recipe for the disastrous relationship problems you've been experiencing.

At over 40 years, it's high time you got this straightened out permanently, don't you think?

Greg, this is much more about education than getting a smile from someone. I know that you heard making eye contact and getting a smile are the first steps and sometimes that's true. However, more often than not, it isn't. Further, you're trying to apply YOUR OWN needs to the women you want to meet! You're very focused on your looks and think that alone should be enough to attract someone. They won't.

In fact, do you know that women rank a man's looks down around #8 in importance? It's true! There are 7 other things that are far more important than your looks. Thus, you're totally missing the mark here. You're going after entirely the wrong things and believing that they are keys when they're not.

Add to this that you're going after the wrong goals!

Getting a woman to smile at you is NOT "success" here. Success is starting to date women and finding that they want to be with you. Then, establishing real relationships that lead to whatever your goals are. Of course, the root of this problem is that you don't have any real goals in the first place!

Greg, what you really need is some remedial help. You need to go back to square one and get the basic education you lack and THEN start moving forward. I strongly urge you to get and study my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and get started on that education. You're quickly going to see why you're having these problems - and how to fix them.

Please don't waste another year going after the wrong things only to continue this failure. You deserve better than this, but to get it, you're going to have to make different choices based on different knowledge and understanding.

Get started on that today.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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