Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/10/2011

Question
Im 23 5'6 and weigh 183 pounds. It seems like no matter what I do girls always reject me, I tried losing weight ( all the way down to 154 which I gained all back after it failed to attract women), I tried getting an expensive car, changing my wardrobe and everything and I always get rejected. I am starting to think with all the difficulty that I am having that maybe there is something wrong with my physical appearance. Could that be a possibility? Don't be afraid to tell me the truth. I really want to know and I won't be offended. In fact I encourage an objective evaluation of my appearence. My photo is at http://i416.photobucket.com/albums/pp241/redelman43199/IMG_0204.jpg If it's not my appearance, what other things could possibly keep away women? Thanks.

Answer
Hello Ross!

There have been a number of researchers that have answered the root of this question. I'm one of them through my own studies and have been confirmed by others done around the world.

Yes, your looks are what are holding you back - but NOT because it's important to women. It's because YOU put so much value in them and thus, you react in a way to eliminates the other things that women find MUCH more appealing. Even worse, you're just focused on the wrong things entirely.

Here is the list of things; in order of importance, that women find most attractive in men:

1. Power
2. Confidence
3. Sense of humor
4. Genuineness
5. Masculinity
6. Conversation skills
7. Style
8. Looks
9. Money
10. Muscles
11. Car

Take a close look at that list Ross. Notice that you're focused on #8 and #11??? What about #1-#7??? Nope. No attention there at all.

THEREIN lies your problem. You're focused on the wrong things! Why? Simple: you also mistakenly believe that women want the same things us guys want. They don't. This is because you don't know what women want in the first place.

There's no surprise to hear that men value a woman's looks at #1 or #2. However, women aren't men. Just because WE think a certain way doesn't mean that they do. If you were to focus on what's REALLY important to women, your success would change entirely.

However, since you put your energy into the bottom items on the list and see no success in doing so, you have bad experiences which undermine your power, your confidence, your sense of humor, etc.

The answer is pretty simple: change your focus and change your success rate.

To do this however, you need to start with changing your belief system. You need to see what success looks like and start to internalize and embody those successful traits. To do that, I strongly encourage you to read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and start to see how this other way of being looks, feels, smells and acts.

Combine that with knowledge of how to express the top items in the list and watch your success change. It's that simple.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
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