Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/7/2011

Question
QUESTION: A girl that I liked started to like me back after she got a boyfriend. While her boyfriend was at the party she tried to kiss me with tongue but I refused as she was with him and I thought she was just drunk.

A few months after that she admitted her true feelings for me at another party despite still being with her boyfriend in which I fell asleep with my hand in between her legs.

It is two years later and I am still very much attracted to her and am full of regret for doing what I thought was the right thing.Now when she see's me at party's which is quite frequent she only talks to me briefly instead of the long talks we used to have and then switches conversation to other people. My question is:
has she moved on? or do I still have a chance to correct my mistake and be with her?

Thank you in advance
- George

ANSWER: Hello George!

Two years George? Really? Two freakin' years??? What in the HELL are you waiting for?

I hope you've learned your lesson. Not going for what you want when the opportunity presents itself is NOT the "right thing" - ever!

OF COURSE she's moved on. Who wouldn't have after two years?

As to having a chance with her, yes, possibly, but you have a TON of work to do. Think about this: this girl comes over and basically lays things on the line. This is VERY rare! No girl wants to be rejected, but that's exactly what you did. I'm sure you hurt her feelings by this. She talks to you out of politeness and consideration.

Is there still attraction there? I don't know. The good news is that you can build it if it's not, but you have a lot to overcome here.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks a million! That does explain a lot.

I just have one last question, Where do I start?
How do I change her attitude from being just polite to genuinely speaking to me out of interest?

Do I start by giving her a text or wait for a chat at the next party?

Thank you for all your help.
- George

Answer
Hello again George!

You missed the point completely. This isn't about changing HER attitude at all. It's about changing you and yours.

George, you're looking for some trick to just flip a switch in this girl. She's not a machine. You had every chance to do that back 2 years ago. That's NOT going to happen - not now anyway. That opportunity is long, LONG gone.

You need to change YOURSELF instead. You have some underlying, foundational problems that not only created this situation, but has continued it to this very day. Trust me on this: she sees it just as clearly as I do (likely more so) and isn't just going to get all gushy because you've changed your mind.

George, think about this: you hurt this girl's feelings; but in a deep, profound way. Yes, it wasn't intentional, but it was out of ignorance. Now, you just want her to throw away that experience of you and turn everything around and have what you want. It's not going to happen; at least not with any girl I've ever seen.

Even now, you want to continue that same weak, no-investment stance and think it's going to make a difference. Texting her is the absolute safest, least-investment thing you can do. It's insulting! Do you really think that she stays up at night hoping that maybe you'll text her? That's NOT on her romance list - trust me.

George, this is why I'm telling you that you have a LOT of work to do. You're not going to turn her around by chatting with her at a party. You need to now fix whatever it is inside of you that ever made you think any of this was ok. It's not ok. Then, you're going to need to build yourself up to be the confident, masculine guy you should have been for the past two years. Next, you're going to need to PROVE to her that you're this guy now because she has a lot of time seeing you as someone else. Next, you need to apologize to her for missing the cues, being judgmental, imposing your expectations and "standards" on her, being a wuss, ignoring her taking all the risks to approach you, etc. You're going to have to do each and every one of these steps to completion, in order. This is going to take months of work if not years.

And that'll just to get you back to level - not any further ahead than you were two years ago!

I'm not trying to bust you here George, seriously, I'm trying to help you. You're looking for the quick fix - one that doesn't put you at risk or make you put in any effort or have to change at all. That's not going to work.

I know you don't believe me in any of this, so go ahead and do what you wanted to do in the first place and see what happens. You've already lost this girl anyway, so you don't have any more to lose with her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"