Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/16/2011

Question
Dear Dr. Neder,

How can one successfully reciprocate to a touchy feely person. I often feel that there is double standards in this category and that women can touch men's arms and grab them but when men do it its considered harrasment.

There is a MILF that always touches me and I would like the opportunity to return the favor and hopefully allow it to grow into something more physical like a hug, and embrace..etc.

Is there a method to masterfully return the touch ? How about a signs that classify women into "naturally touchy feely" and "interested in a man" touchy feely ?

Thank you Dr. Neder.

Sincerely,

Captain Steve

Answer
Hello Captain Steve!

In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I discuss a number of "communication models". These are models by which people view and manage their worlds.

In one of these models, (the "Sexuality/Suggestibility Model") I talk about "physicals" and "emotionals". It's far too large a discussion to go into here on this board, but suffice it to say that this woman is far more a physical than an emotional.

The good news is that all this touchy-feely stuff can be easily reciprocated with this sort of woman and in fact, is actually appreciated and enjoyed. This is especially true of "accidental touch" such as bumping your knee against hers if you're sitting close to her or brushing your arm by hers, etc. As well, touches on the arm, back or shoulder are usually good ways to help solidify connection.

Of course, you need to think about what's appropriate. For instance, grabbing her ass (unless she playfully does the same thing first) isn't a good idea until after you've moved things pretty far forward with her.

Another thing to understand is that to many women (emotionals in particular) touch can actually be physically painful! In general, when women avoid physical contact, you should do the same. When they initiate it, you can feel a bit more free to reciprocate.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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