Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 7/6/2011

Question
I just went on a trip to tahoe for the 4th of july weekend. I met a group of girls (three of them) that are from the same city I live in, same age, and they seem to be really good friends. I found myself being attracted to one of them, but we only went rafting together then went our separate ways. I ended up adding all 3 of them on facebook, but wanted to know what the next step should be.

Should I message all 3 of them, since they are4 all usually together? Should I only message the one I'm attracted to? How should I approach her, etc.

I was going to message all of them at once, so if one replied the others would get the reply, just saying we should all hang out. Then I thought about messaging them separately, but thought it would be weird to separately send them all the same message? Do I want to make it obvious I want to date this girl after hanging out with her for one afternoon? What should I do?

Answer
Hello Tony!

The answer depends on how tight you are with the group. In other words, if your association with them was based on the group of the three of them and not just the one girl, you should message all three and suggest you get together soon and grab a drink (or whatever).

If your association with the group was only about this one girl (in other words, you mostly ignored the other two) then you should contact her alone.

The reason for this is important: these girls can do more to help or hurt you than you can do alone. Let's say that you were involved with the group - almost as though you were part of it. Trying to separate out just the one girl is going to cause the other two to feel excluded. They may very well try to bust your game as though you're trying to break up the group!

On the other hand, if you were to go out with all three and work the group itself, you'll have clear, clean access to your primary target. In fact, if they all like you and get the sense you're focused on one slightly more than the other two, they can help you immensely here by building you up and giving you "social proof" (validation). In effect, it comes off as a referral from these two.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"