Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/21/2011

Question
QUESTION: My ex girlfriend am I were going out for one year last six month we ware. I intimate .She often stayed in my place in past six months even though she has her own place. …

Let me tell you the big story I know this girl for almost 30 years. When was in 11th grade she was in 9th I proposed her but she told me that she too young to get involved. So I stopped calling her. After that I left the town so I did not even see her for 26 years. She then had a boy friend when she was in 11th grade but she told me she did not have any sexual relation ship with him. They broke up when she moved to different country. She meet another guy she married him got divorce after 5 years according to her he was cheating on her.  One year before her divorce finalized she was involved with a guy for 8 month. He did not want marry her so she broke up with him. The she meet this other guy that she went out for a year. According to her he was her real love she wanted marry him but she find out he was having other relation so she postponed the marriage. Then she married another guy after three month but she did not know him that well meet him only once they did not even have sex before marriage. she was having sexual and controlling problem with him so on 2008 the contacted me via phone after 26 year just out of the blue we got close she moved out of the house . We had oral sex not any thing else after a month of moving she told me that, she wants to give her husband another chance. So she moved back with him but now and then she will call me, we went to lunch nothing else. Last year she moved out of her husband for good and filed for divorce. And started going out with me.  she was crazy for me at the beginning our sex life was good after 3 month of our  sexual relation one day she told me please forgive me if heart you any way the she broke up with me. she told me that I lied to her one day when she was in front of my house she text me . I told her that I was at home but I was not. Then after a week she came back to me told she has to take me as it is. So we got back together. We ware together for 4 month after her the divorce finalized. We took a break for a month so she could think. Now she is telling me that she will have problem if get married. She can’t trust me... she needs time and she wants to be alone. I love this girl very much. I know my self that I did not do any thing wrong... So I stopped calling her but she will call me now and then. I want her back what can I do to re-attract... just to let you know she likes male attention. She thinks she is very pretty and she could get any man she wants... she also talks to old male friends constantly even though the stay different states.  

Please advice if I have any chance what should I do.

ANSWER: Hello Sean!

Do you really want this girl back? Seriously? You must love pain because that's all this girl will ever bring you.

Sean, come on here. From this extensive history, this girl has some major problems. She uses people, has absolutely no idea what she wants or what she's doing and even mistreats you and blames you for "lying" just because you weren't home and now claims she can't "trust you" as though all of this is your fault?

Really? That's what you want back in your life?

Sean, don't do this. Let her go and be thankful for it. Get healed and go find someone that respects both you and herself. This girl respects neither.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Really care about these women. I love her very much … Just to let you know that she had some sadness in her life. Her father was taken out of her house Armey and shot and killed about 300 feet for her house when she was 2 years old. That may have contributed little bit of her problem. Do you this at the age 43 she will change...her habit... she has been staying home praying and mediating for last 2 months... I am having hard time controlling my emotion. She said her self she wants to come down.  really in love with her for last 30 years... Please tell it worsted to wait for her... is she going to change... thanks

ANSWER: Hello again Sean!

No, she won't change. This is a pattern for her life. All this is going to do is to cause you to waste another 30 years of your life waiting and hoping that she'll change when she won't. What'll happen when you're in your 70's and you've done this?

Sean, really think about that question. Can you see yourself in your 70's having waited for this girl to be something different? She'll have been through many relationships by then, and you, none.

She and you will both be exactly the same - and she still won't love you.

I'm sorry to bring you this bad news, but it's accurate. You can't fix her. You need to fix whatever it is inside yourself that wants this pain so that you can get healed and move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: She is in my mind 24/7 .. She calls me time to to time i have never called . she also visited my place few times. How can i forget her . What should I do to keep her of my mind . please advice.. Thanks

Answer
Hey Sean!

Of course she's in your mind 24/7. You're addicted. You need to break these unhealthy patterns and get some discipline over your own thinking.

The quickest and easiest way to do this is with a phone session or two. I suggest you look at my website (http://BeingAMan.com) and check out "personal coaching/help" under "products". Get yourself a couple of 1-hour sessions and we can use that time to reprogram your mind so that you break through the things that are keeping you hostage.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"