You are here:

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/scorpio male talking to leo female getting frustrated

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Hello, I am a young scorpio male, and i've been talking to a young leo female. I met her while helping my mother teach dance at her college. Working the music, arranging and designing props, anything i could help with really. During that time i noticed her, i watched her dance and saw ways to help her improve, and told her so.
   There was on performance in particular where i was working the curtain and providing her and the others with encouragement that i felt a love i can not describe...it seemed we could read and understand each other's soul in that moment. There were no words at that time, and it was not sexual, more of a resonance between us. After the performance which went over well we went to a restaraunt and enjoyed the night with the group, during the evening there i asked her outside and told her how i felt. She said she figured as much but had someone at the time and wanted my number, so i gave it.
    We talked friendly at first and she told me of her problems and i helped her however i could, always making sure she knew of my respect for her current man regardless of the problems so heavily weighing on her, and on me for knowing what i wanted to be and do for her without the moral, "OK", to do it. Over time their problems grew and they split, after a rediculous amount of time spent asking her what she wanted from me when she had him. Their problem was he never had time for her, treated her poorly, and was unfaithful to her.
    Knowing all of this she still held on to us both, with uncommon will. To me she has too many male "friends with a past" which leads me to believe she has confidence, trust, and self dependance issues, all of which i made clear i want everything to help her with. Even after all of my pulling away in every direction (in anguish, for not being able to be hers and not being able to pull myself from her), she held on to me, so i told her i loved her. She had to have heard that before and questioned both of us in its truth, i understood and wanted still to prove it to her, so i grabbed her hand and placed it on my heart so she could feel its rhythm,(was all i could think of that was so different from the girls i was involved with before) i explained how it beat only that way for her, and saw the resonance i knew we both needed to understand one another.
    Things never went exactly like i wanted or even close, but i was at peace with her and she with me when we were together, no matter how our days were going. We were only together briefly, (and didnt do anything sexual for the most part), just listening to and learning about each other. Unfortunately she could never define us to me as lovers or friends, and that wasn't helped by the fact that i was leaving for basic training less than a month in between the time that she left her ex and when she started to spend time with me. So now ive been gone away from her for over a year and a half, even now im on deployment in a different time zone, and still we've stayed in contact despite my attempts to allow the distance apart to break the bond we have. She can not commit to me right now in my mind, but she says she wants to keep me in her life...(as a friend for now at least), even though ive told her I dont have the will to hold that capacity with her forever with no obvious change in the future to become more.
     I understand her need to learn how to become truely HER without a man (which seemed to be the major problem to me), and told her that i was fine with it, and i thought it best to include myself in that part of her self development. She did not agree to my request that we sever our ties (i tried alone to do it and failed due to my need for finality from her), and i agreed to try to maintain our relationship as friends both knowing we had intense feelings, to say the least, for each other. Ive been debating since we started with myself and God, looking for the answer or even a hint on how to deal with this problem, that seems to grow all the time and please understand its not all her fault all ive learned is to be patient with her. I have no idea how to break away nor am i sure i really want to anymore but i will not be made simply a friend...i cant do it not indefinately, i love her more than i should to be less than that to her if anything.
    I know ur only human, and know only so much about she and I, but anything u might be able to tell me, would be helpful in some way im sure in a way to end things properly or get me to the point where i know what i need to do to with her, i dont want to hurt her, i never did and i never will...but i cant keep letting her hurt me like this... not forever...(im starting not to care about the pain)

ANSWER: Hello Ronald!

You have a very serious problem here. You've made every single mistake a man can make with a woman. You say you don't want to become her "friend" and you don't even see that is absolutely everything you are - or ever will be - with her now.

The distance has only exacerbated the situation. With you distant from her you've let your mind build up all sorts of non-realities that you now believe are true. None of them are.

Ronald, this girl is using you and (worse) is too much of a coward to tell you the truth. She doesn't care about hurting you at all (otherwise, she'd never have let this get this far). What she cares about is herself. She doesn't want to feel guilty by devastating you with the way things really are.

You are so blinded by what you think is love (it's not - trust me) that you can't see any sort of reality. Now, you're already composing your letter to me in your mind of how I'm wrong, but Ronald, trust me. I'm not. I've seen this far too many times. Your situation and symptoms are absolutely classic.

You're absolutely right on your last point: if you continue this way you're not only going to become used to the pain, you're going to start to crave it - if you haven't already. When things get this far recovery (let alone actually fixing the problems that began all of this) is a long way off. It's very easy to let all of this cause permanent damage.

You didn't ask me any questions or even tell me what you want. Maybe this was just a way to get your thoughts out into the open. Whatever the reason for it, you need to get some help with this. It's not an innocent little infatuation. You're bordering on a severe emotional breakdown.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III"
Producer of "BAM! TV"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: what would u suggest i do...i see what ur saying and welcome some instruction on what i can or should do to deal with things

Answer
Hello again Ronald!

As I said before, you need to seek some professional help with this. I can help you (but I hope it's obvious that I can't via this message board - you need to contact me via my website) or you can find someone local to you.

Either way, this isn't going to get better if you don't do something about it and I fear it's going to get far worse.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! Productions
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publisher of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III"
Producer of "BAM! TV"

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

Past/Present Clients
Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.