How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/the women of my dreams

Advertisement


Question
QUESTION: Hey Dr.Neder I met a girl last year lets call her Cara well I met her last year and I instantly fell for her we talked and we hit it off and we have many things in common and I love her and I confessed my feelings for her and she turned me down and that's great and all I've given it some time and I still love her and we have fun and I have more things in common with her than anyone else at my school she is a grade higher than me but I'm 16 days older than her I love her so much and I've been friend zoned to the point of she sees me as a brother and I just so badly want to have her in my life and I can see because I'm a bigger guy and some girls might not want to Sleep with a big guy but I don't want to have a relationship for sex I want it for the love and companionship of a relationship so I have someone to say I love them and they love me and so I can always have someone there for me and I can always be there for Someone else do please help me get Cara

-Taylor L

ANSWER: Hello Taylor!

"...that's great..." that she turned you down??? No Taylor, it's not "great". It's the exact opposite of "great".

(By the way, what do you have against punctuation? Did you have a bad punctuation experience somewhere in your past??)

First of all, if you're not interested in having sex with Cara, then what don't you have right now that you want to have? It sounds to me like all you need is a friend - and you already have that.

If there's something else (or more) that you want I don't see it. I will say this however, if so, you're going to have a choice to make: either you can't bare the thought of losing her and the friendship or you want something more and ARE willing to give up the friendship.

You can't have both.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for time and well the reason I have no punctuation is because I'm doing this on a phone and it took 45 minutes just to type up what I had because the internet crashed my phone so I had to type it again but anyway can you at least tell me how to get out of the friend zone because I want to spend the rest of my life with her so prewar at least do this for me so I have a chance I'm willing to lose it all for that chance so please do this and if it works I will recommend you to everyone of my friends who have relationship problems because even know I've never had a girlfriend they come to me for advise but thank you for your time and happy new year :)

Answer
Hello again Taylor!

Keep in mind that when you write like this (without punctuation) it makes it easier for YOU but far tougher on the person you're writing to to understand what you're saying. If you want someone to take you seriously and to be considerate of your thoughts, be considerate of their time by taking the additional 20 seconds or so to put in punctuation!

Otherwiseitsliketryingtounderstandasententencewithoutspacesandfranklyisveryrude

First of all, you need to know what you're up against here. The chances of you turning this into something more than what you have right now are very, very slim - around 5% or so. Think of what that means: about a 95% chance of NOT getting anything more than you already have AND losing her friendship too and having nothing.

Try to imagine a life where you no longer talk to her or see her - ever again. It's over, you're hurting and have to heal all by yourself. Think carefully about that. That's the overwhelming likelihood of what you're asking me to help you with. Are you really comfortable with that? Can you live with that choice? If you were to focus on other girls, you'd probably have about a 50% chance with any one of them!

If you're ok with that after REALLY thinking about it (do NOT just react and say "yes" - THINK ABOUT IT!!) then, here's the first steps of what you need to do:

First, STOP BEING HER FRIEND!!! End this friendship right now. No more contact. No more texting. No more being or acting friend-like. It has to stop right here, right now. No "easing out of it". No telling her your plan. No exit-plan. No nothing. Just end everything - every bit of contact other than the causal "hello" if you pass in the hallway. If she contacts you DO NOT respond - at least for now. If she asks you what's wrong (frankly, very unlikely!) you need to say cheerfully, "nothing - why?" When she tells you that you're acting differently, claim you don't see it, but to take care. Then, move on.

Your attitude here is absolutely critical. You can't act like you're angry or hurt or frustrated or anything. Instead, try to imagine how you'd feel if she were just another one of your classmates - someone you don't know well but recognize.

At the same time, your outward persona needs to be upbeat and happy (regardless of what you feel inside). This is the new image you present to her - and everyone. It's more aloof and nonchalant than anything and you MUST NOT go out of your way to show her this! You have to let it come up on it's own.

All of this is going to go on for at least a few months, so you'd better be prepared for it. If you break this new attitude, you're going to lose any slim chance you might have.

At the same time, realize this: you told her how you felt and she rejected you. Think hard on that fact! She knows exactly what you want and instead, is using you for your friendship - all for her OWN benefit - not yours! Does that make sense? You want her and have (in your mind) put her up on a pedestal. She's not worthy of it. Yes, you made mistakes here too, but she's taking advantage of them and of you. You need to get that image seared into your brain.

If you can pull this off (a big "if") then we can move onto the next phase in a few months. During this time you need to refocus your energy. Instead of putting it into her (where it doesn't belong - because she hasn't earned that from you) put it into yourself! Start working on yourself to become a better you. Lose weight, get some hobbies and start having fun! Become the person she'd want to be in a relationship with - for your OWN benefit - not hers.

This is the guy you're going to present to her later on when you're ready.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Expertise

I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

Experience

Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

Education/Credentials
Doctor of Philosophy

Past/Present Clients
Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.