You are here:

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/how to get the woman of my dreams


hi i am 40 yr old male.i went on a date with a woman that a mutual friend set us up.the date lasted 4 hrs and i thought everything went great,she is a christian woman as i am a christian man.we went walking on the beach and out to lunch i paid of course i opened her door good conversation laughing.she did ask if i smoked cigarettes which i do and she doesnt.but the next day i text her telling her i had a great time and wanted to see her again,her reply was i was a great guy but she didnt beleive we had enough things in common for a long term relationship but would like to go play golf with me one day,i replied and told her that i really liked her and its been a long time since i found someone who i have had interest in since my divorce 4 yrs ago.and thats been 3 days now and she hasnt responded.i dont know what to do cause in my heart i beleive she is the one.what should i do?

Hello TJ!

It's possible that while she's "the one" for you, you are not for her. That makes her "not the one".

Obviously, I can't tell you what she thinks is missing. From your perspective it sounds like you had a fun date, but that's not enough to build a relationship on.

It's unfortunate but many women today actually believe that if they don't feel some "spark" on the first date that there must not be any connection. That's very immature and misguided and it may be the reason she feels there's no long-term future.

You didn't mention whether there was any physical closeness - touching, kissing, etc. - and that's also a big part of building chemistry for women. In fact, there are 5 types of chemistry: physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual. You can build a relationship on any one of them, but by far sexual chemistry is the most important. Add to that any of the others and you have a good potential for something long-term.

I suggest you set up another date with her. If it's golf, fine. If not, that's fine too as long as it's a date where you can get face-time. In other words, no movies or concerts. You need to be able to communicate and connect.

When you set up this date just tell her that you're not willing to let it go yet. You don't know what she thinks is missing or what she's looking for but you think she may have not seen what you did and want to try again.

See where that goes and maybe you can turn this around. Good luck!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

Doctor of Philosophy

Past/Present Clients
Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

©2017 All rights reserved.