How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/changed her mind??

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QUESTION: Hi doc.  I met a very lovely girl at a night club. Things were going well between us and she was responding positivly. She even came with me to my car so i can take her to her house. I asked if
She can go out with me the next day. Her immediate answer was yes. But she kept her options open by saying if i cant ill tell you. So we exchanged numbers. the next day i called her we had a nice conversation on the phone then i said "are u ready" she said "probably after one hour..i will call you". So after exactly one hour she sent an sms saying "sorry i cannot get out tonight" so i was cool and gave a simple replay "ok".... shall i give up on her or i should call her again another time and continue to contact her??

ANSWER: Hello Moh!

Here's the problem: you keep making her make all the decisions - ones YOU should be making.

"Can I have your number?" (SHE has to decide)
"Can you go out with me tomorrow?" (SHE has to decide)
"Are you ready to go out with me now?" (SHE has to decide)
[And, I'll bet there were a bunch more you haven't told me about.]

Moh, just exactly who's the man and who's the woman here? You seem to think she has all the power and all the rights and you have absolutely none of them. No wonder she decided to blow you off! She simply doesn't want to have to work that hard. I don't blame her.

Should you contact her again? Not if you're going to make her do even MORE work. I'll bet (knowing women like I do) she's looking for something far easier and more natural. She's probably looking for a guy who doesn't beg and who doesn't have to get permission to do even the smallest thing. I'm sure when she wants to be a mommy, she'll be a mommy, but she doesn't want to have to do that from the beginning with any guy she just met.

Here's the other issue: even if you now come back with a more decisive posture and start handling things correctly, she's not going to believe you. You've already been too needy and too weak. She no longer sees you as "value" but likely sees you as a burden.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Doc ,
thank you doc for the answer i really appreciate it , so even if i came back with a more decisive posture and she not gonna believe it , then i might as well end it and delete her number , im not gonna be the guy who give her free attention and i dont have the skills to turn it around , the thing is doc i was not trying to look weak  i was trying to be gentle , i can be more aggressive  but i fear that women will look at me as a rude person , how can you make this distinction ?

Answer
Hello again Moh!

I look at these situations as a long-game strategy. You have little wins and little losses that end up in an overall result. The problem here is that you have a bunch of moderate-to-large losses. Any specific event taken by itself doesn't mean that much but when you have bunch of the strung together - a "trend" - it's very difficult to break.

How many wins do you need to make up for that? Answer: a large number! Would she give you the chance to get those wins in? I doubt it. Why should she? What's her motivation? It's far easier to deal with someone else who won't make this mistakes.

I get it Moh. You want to be the diplomat. If you were dealing with guys I'd fully support your direction. The problem is this isn't how women feel safe and secure. They complain to me constantly that all they meet today are "scared little boys" who have no clue how to be men.

Unfortunately they are right. Your actions don't come off as diplomatic, soft or caring at all. They come off as cowardly. What you think is "pushy" is actually seen as decisive and strong instead. It's not aggressive at all. It's strategic.

Sometimes it's difficult to see these qualities in ourselves but if you look outside it's easier. Imagine someone who you consider a role model - someone you admire and look up to. How would that person deal with this? Do you think they'd be asking for permission for even thing littlest things like getting a phone number or inviting someone out to have a cup and coffee and chat? Of course not.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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