How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Do i honestly like this girl?

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QUESTION: Hi doctor,

I am faced with a dilemma right now. There's this girl i recently got to know. Ever since then i got very disturbed and thoughts of her keep popping in my mind. I keep telling myself that its an infatuation and i try to suppress myself. On one hand i feel that I dont even know her well, so how i am supposed to be in love with her? On the other hand, i feel that she might be the one for me. Can you make sense of my situation? Should i give in to my feelings and go for this girl? Or suppress them instead? Thanks for your time!

Regards

ANSWER: Hello Bob!

Here's what's going on: you're inventing a girl out of her looks and your own personal goals, dreams, wishes, etc. and then assuming she's that girl.

As you've already said, you don't know her. She may be a great girl - and maybe even perfect for you - or she may be an absolute bitch. You don't know either way.

Don't "give into" any feelings. Instead, stop building her up and go talk to her. Find out who she is and let her prove to you either way. Don't give her power over you and don't make assumptions.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello doctor,
Thanks for the reply. It was really helpful. Just for some background info, i know this girl through a group project in my college, and we are in the same group. I got her number, along with all my other group members as we had to communicate regarding the project. I met her awhile ago together the group, this time round we couldnt talk as much as the first time i met her. The first time, i had some lone time with her and we were talking bout where we come from and stuff. However today, i didnt have the chance to spend some alone time, and i couldn't speak to her anything personal. Since i have her mobile number, i was contemplating whether to message her casually regarding some academic stuff, and then slowly take it from there to ask her why chose her majors, and hopefully talk more personal stuff from there. But at the same time, i am wondering if it would make me look awkward or needy. Also we are having anothrr group project done in a few days, and after that it will be even more difficult and awkward to sms her or ask her out to talk to her since we know each other so little, and i have lost the convenient excuse of the group project. Please do advise me as to what would be the best thing for me to do, i think i want to get to know this girl better first at least. Thank you for your time!

Regards

ANSWER: Hello again Bob!

Yes, if you try to "ease into this" it's going to come off as awkward and needy. That's because you'll have to continue to find new excuses to talk to her "academically".

Bob, just go for what you want. She's not an idiot and will figure it out pretty quickly anyway. Just be bold and direct.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi doctor,

One pressing issue. The thing is we dont know each other properly. So when i was thinking of texting her casually, i thought it may be weird to suddenly talk to her casually and ask how's her day given i am not even her friend yet. Moreover its 2a.m. now, wonder whether the timing of the text wpuld make it even more weird. I thought of what u said about being direct and casual, instead of using the academic excuse. But i have no context to start with, unless i merely ask her how's her day and take it from there. And its already sat. Thought i'd text her maybe midday to evening. What do u suggest? Or should i wait for the next group meeting where i get to see her personally and then try establish more rapport first? But o am afraid the next meeting might not give me the right opportunity to strike any rapport. I have really been weighing alot of options. Please help. Thanks!

Answer
Hey Bob!

Of course it'll seem awkward if you text her out of the blue and ask her about her day. That's not at all what you should do.

Bob, you're trying to sneak your way in rather than being direct about things. As I said before do you really think she's not going to know you're interested in her? What's worse is that it's not even her you're interested in - it's that person you've spent all this time making up in your mind!

You absolutely DO have context to talk to her - tons of it. The group through which you originally met her is just one example. School, studies, friends, even the weather - they're all "context". What are you waiting for, some formal invitation sent to you by the Queen of England or something?

Bob, you can make all the excuses you want or you can do something. You've already wallowed in the excuses and look where you are with her - nowhere. I suggest you do something instead. There's not "right opportunity" or "right time" or "right circumstance". You have to MAKE those happen.

The world we both live in favors the bold. Stop talking yourself out of it. Stop with all the excuses. Go get it done.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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