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How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/the cause of nice guy syndrome and how to cure it


what cause this problem and how to solve it? average women lie to themselves that they want to date or marry those men who are generous,humble,respecting women,but they intentionally date or marry the men who are sexually aggressive,selfish,lustful,jealous or
spousal rapists.

Hello Pui!

On the surface this seems like a very simple question. In practice however, it's actually pretty complicated.

"Nice Guy Syndrome" ("NGS") has a number of root causes including:

* Insecurity
* Societal imposition (for example, men are expected to act and live under an unspoken code of "honor", whereas women have no such expectation)
* The need to collaborate in order to work together (men are expected to "play nice", not be conniving, back-stabbing or catty whereas; again, women aren't held to the same standards)
* Other archaic societal beliefs like gallantry, "winning" a woman, etc.

And, most important, an over-all lack of skills or understanding about the dating/relationship world. In lieu of better tools, too many guys fall into NGS as their only means of dealing with women.

As to fixing the problem, you first have to understand what it really is. It's not just about being "nice" at all. It's about having a good, solid direction in your mind for what your relationship is going to be. Too many men sit back and expect women do establish this for them - which women will reluctantly do if they have no other options. This is actually a masculine activity, but if a relationship lacks this direction, someone has to do it.

By having that direction and the knowledge of how to set the path, women relax and find a level of comfort. They feel more "feminine" and bring that energy instead to the relationship.

Men being flexible, looking for approval, not having a clear direction in mind and not having the tools to make it happen are all reasons why women feel insecure in relationships. They try to avoid this up-front by making choices about men. Sure, they want men that will respect them, listen to them, etc., but this is a fine-line sort of thing. Too many men (being the unsubtle creatures we are) take it way too far.

Consider also how many guys today are raised by single mothers. Moms want their sons to be "nice" to women. They try to teach this and even punish boys that aren't this way. Without a strong, knowledgeable male figure in the picture these guys never get any other perspective. Further, without any good role models (and frankly, there are almost none left!) what other messages do guys have to work from?

The biggest thing a guy can do to fix this problem is to get educated. Any man today that wants to be the type of guy women are looking for needs to have a good, solid, capable role model. It's extremely difficult to fix this without someone to draw examples from! Men are constantly bombarded with media messages about being feminine and that's why women constantly complain to me that there aren't any "real men" around any more. There are so many of these, but just consider the "metrosexual" movement that frankly, has become strong rather than going away.

Having a combination of good examples and real, solid tools to use in order to establish - and keep - this masculine energy is the only way I know of to counter all the negative messages you get every single day of your life to be "nice".

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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