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How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Making sense of my current situation


Hi doc,

To cut my long story short i recently asked this girl, whom i have feelings for, to go out with me. We were actually in the midst of deciding when and where to meet. Then suddenly one day she texted me asking whether i like her more than a friend. I told her that i was taken aback by her question, but that honestly i think i do like her more than a friend. I also told her i was not even ready to tell her my feelings yet, and that i didnt know my liking was obvious. Her reply was that she didnt have such feelings for me, and that she has her priority in life which is starting up her own company and that she doesnt want this issue to sit on her head. She also said that she does not want to get into any form of relationship now.

Okay so my question is, what exactly does this mean? Is my chances of getting together with her over? How should i continue to behave towards her? And btw she actually broke up one month ago as well, and she was very close to another guy after her relationship breakup. Are the other guys in her life a reason why she told me such stuff? Please help make sense of this situation for me doc! Thanks you!


Hello Bob!

So, this girl tricks you into playing your hand and then takes advantage of it? Pretty classic.

Bob, girls are notoriously good at getting you to expose yourself without doing the same thing and then reacting to what you do or say. You would likely have had a great chance with her if you just hadn't "outed" yourself.

As to what this means: she wanted to see if you had any real game. You told her clearly and specifically that you don't and thus, she called you on it. In fact, she rubbed your face in your own mistake. Yes, your chances with this girl are completely, utterly over. The worse news however is that this didn't have to happen.

What I can't do is to read her mind. I have absolutely no idea what else is going on in her life. You're closer to her than I am and know much more about her.

Here's what you should have done:

First, understand that her comment about a relationship is ridiculous and just about misdirection. If she met a great guy that wasn't going to be led around by her misdirections, she'd be in a relationship with him faster than you can read this answer. Thus, that has absolutely nothing to do with reality.

What you should have done was to take her to task for her trying to trick you into telling her where you wanted to go. Frankly, how do you even know yet? Answer: you don't. It's only based on hope. She knows it. I know it and now you know it too.

Thus, you should have told her, "How in the hell can I possibly know what I want from you? I don't even know you yet. What I *do* know is that I'm not very impressed by your question! If you already know everything then why are you bothering to ask me? Oh, that's right - you don't know either. So I'll tell you what, let's just be cool and see what happens. Then, we'll both know when we know."

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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