How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/ a complicated situation


Hi doc,

I need your opinion on my current issue, i really like this girl. But she was interested in this other guy, from what i saw. And i went to tell him that i was interested in the girl as well. He told me to go for her and that he was not interested in her. And at that moment she was about to break up with her boyfriend who is another different guy. Well i have been getting close to her , she just broke up 2weeks back, recently she told me that she was very happy that she had me in her life as a good guy friend., and i can sense she feels good around me..  So i feel like expressing my liking for her now, like just being straightforward. And i feel that i should pursue my love regardless of which other guy that might be trying for her. So what is your opinion on this? And btw am i right to say that in any love story, it is a one man race and one should not worry about others competing.with him?


Hello Jack!

I wish you had dealt with that "good guy friend" crap when she said it. By saying the words, it becomes reality. Unfortunately, you are now the "friend" - not something more or something you want to be.

Here's what you need to understand: women divide men up into two categories: potential boyfriends and "friends" (the same as family). Once you become a friend, it's almost impossible to ever be anything else. I fear you may have screwed yourself here and frankly, may be out of options.

Further, you're getting ready to make an even worse mistake: you want to "express your liking for her". In other words, what you want to do is to tell her that you're attracted to her and then hope she does all the rest of your work for you.

Jack, think about this for a minute. What in the hell is she supposed to do with that information? What you HOPE she'll do is day, "Oh Jack! I feel the same way! Take me right now!"

That never, ever, EVER happens!

Instead, what'll happen is; she'll see you for the weak coward you are. She'll realize you have no other skills and thus, you have to hope that she'll do all your work for you. She doesn't want to have to be both the man AND woman in any relationship (would you?) so how do you think that'll play out? Answer: badly. Very, very badly.

Yes, you're right about this being a one-man race. The problem however is that you've taken yourself out of it! If; when she told you that you where her "guy friend" you'd have said, "Wait a minute. I'm not your 'friend'" things would have been very different right now.

If you go to her with that ridiculous idea of "expressing your liking" for her, she's going to shoot you down so fast it'll make your head spin. She'll say, "Come on Jack, you're like my brother!" Try to imagine having sex with your sister. Pretty creepy, right? Well, that's exactly how she feels about having sex with you right now - because you've allowed that situation to take hold.

The only way to turn this around is to risk losing her entirely. You need to set up a real date with her. If/when you go out with her, you need to treat her like a girlfriend - NOT a buddy. Kiss this girl already and make it incredible. Hold her hand and make her forget you're her friend. Don't confess your feelings for her at all. SHOW her what they are and expect her to respond accordingly.

If you're not willing to do that then do nothing and just accept the fact that you'll only be her friend from here on out; watching her find new guys that know better and get into relationships, fall in love, etc., with them instead of you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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