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How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Attracting a younger, friendly woman.


QUESTION: I have been friends with a 26-year old woman for a while. I've recently turned 40.
We text frequently and have gone out with common friends.
Not too long ago I found out that her long relationship with her boyfriend has gone sour and is considering breaking up. Despite this, she will only go out with me provided there is a common friend with us.
On one hand, I do think I have a fair chance of convincing her to be with me. On the other, I am reluctant to ask her how her relationship is going. Our common friend thought it was clear that I want to date her.
While it's not overtly obvious, I think that by now my friend knows I have an interest.
What can I do? I don't want to tire her of my presence, but at the same time I want her to see me as somebody she can date.

ANSWER: Hello Lou!

What makes you think you have a "fair chance" of convincing her to date you?

If your common friend knows you're interested in her don't you think that your target knows you're interested in her too? I'll bet she does. That is very likely the reason why she won't hang out with you alone!

You didn't mention how long this has been going on and it makes some very important difference. If it's been only a short period of time (less than a few months or so) you might have a chance of turning this around. If it's been longer than that, well, it's not likely going to happen.

Lou, I believe that you can build attraction in anyone - even someone that is a "friend". However, you also need very specialized skills to make that happen and to be blunt, you don't have them. Otherwise, this would never have become what it is. You'd already be "converting" her away from the boyfriend.

By the way; the age difference has nothing to do with this! In fact, it can work to your advantage as long as you're not undermining everything else in the process.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi! Thanks for the reply.
We used to work together for a year but she got transferred to a different location. It took me about 2 months to talk to her (we didn't get along at first). I would say that we actually became much closer after she left (September 2012).
Up to that point I think she was still in good terms with her boyfriend.
Aside from a 2-month hiatus around January, we text back and forth. I've deliberately not texted her a few times in order not to saturate her or overexpose her to me, but I've happily noticed she has texted me back in response.
We haven't gone out with common friends, but we've agreed to meet her at her work, and at the gym, where I often see her. Normally we talk extensively at the gym.
Now... this is why I like to think I have a good chance (in addition to the good rapport): we make contact. When we go out with friends we always sit together and we rub with our legs, she touches me with her fingers, pats me occasionally, etc.. At the gym at least twice she has put her foot on the legs of the machine I'm working out at, which is typically between my legs. Yesterday, I thought it was awkward that she wiped her sweat with her t-shirt, essentially flashing me in the process. (It was really weird!). She did something similar the last time we went out with friends.
I am aware that perhaps I am receiving mixed signals and that I may be overreacting to some behaviors. She really is a rather quiet and fairly innocent (even a bit religious) person... but it sure feels good when she does all that.
She was already looking forward to marry her boyfriend after a long relationship, but apparently he has been ignoring her and straying away from her.
Next week we will be attending several courses together. She actually told me which courses she will go to and I shared mine with her. I would love to use this as an excuse to go out to lunch together. Besides, she says she owes me two drinks!

Hello again Lou!

If she's aware that you're attracted to her (just as your mutual friend appears to be) it's very likely that she's using all that covert flirting (touching you, flashing you, etc.) in order to manipulate you for her own ego - NOT as a message to move forward!

To give even more weight to that theory, she's having problems with her boyfriend! Right now, she needs male attention in order to replace what she's not getting from her boyfriend. Once she stockpiles enough of this attention, she'll then use it to move on to find someone else that she wants to be with - and it won't be you.

If there's any good news to this; first, you can change this and turn it around by doing the right things and ending the wrong things. Second, it's easy to determine absolutely if she's really interested in you or if she's using and manipulating you. Get her by herself (yes, ask her out - alone!) and kiss her. If she gives you ANY resistance, you'll know without a doubt that my theory is correct - that you've been used and taken advantage of.

DO NOT believe that her "innocence" and "religiousness" in any way would prevent her from doing this! Trust me Lou, her need for this attention far, FAR outweighs any image you may have of how sweet and pure she may be.

Now, regarding lunch: FORGET IT! Lunch is what buddies do. So is coffee. What you're trying to do is to slip in the back door here and not tip your hand (so to speak). Lou, your hand is already "tipped" - trust me. Don't go to lunch, take her out in the evening for drinks and dinner and whatever - just like a real date.

All of this testing and "dipping your toe into the water" doesn't work. All it does is ENSURE you'll never be anything else but a "friend" and someone she can use because of your ignorance!

As to that last point (your ignorance) I'm not being condescending here. I'm trying to help you. If you really want to do what you should do in order to have the best chance with this girl, I strongly urge you to get some personal coaching time from my newly redesigned website ( so we can go through all the things you need to STOP doing and what you need to do instead.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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