How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/hard to get
My name is Matt and I'm 24 years old, and I am interested in a young lady that I have met through work (she works for the same company, just a different location). A bit of backstory first...
About 3-4 weeks ago I helped out at her store for two evenings as they were a bit understaffed. This wasn't the first time I had met her, but we definitely seemed to hit it off once we spent some time together. She had just had a big fight/broken up with her controlling/drug addicted/anger management boyfriend, and she asked me a little bit about what I thought she should do, all the while bad-mouthing him. I said she should probably stay away. Anyway, come to find out about 3-4 days later they're back together. However, she still calls me a lot at work during breaks and texts me some as well, which all goes quite swimmingly as we just tend to get along really well. I initiate relatively little of our communication honestly, most of the time it's her, especially calling me at work. Then a few days ago I texted her somewhat late at night and she didn't reply. The next morning she texted me saying her boyfriend saw it and got mad because he thought something was going on between her and I and doesn't like guys texting her late at night. I told her I hoped I didn't get her in trouble, but that what was really happening is she was choosing him over our friendship. She said that's not what she meant and didn't mean to be mean about it, and I said I didn't take it so much as being mean as her not really wanting to be friends, and that it's her life and it's up to her what to do about it. We stopped texting for almost a week, but she still called me a lot and acted like nothing was wrong. And today she called me a bunch at work, so I decided to text her and so we texted throughout the day.
Now for my questions...I'm not trying to ask you for help on how to steal her away from her boyfriend per se, but I do want to make my feelings for her known because I don't want to be played. I don't want to be in the friend zone like I always am and taken advantage of. I understand that she's taken, but I want to know what you think is the best way to nudge her into making a decision. Do you think I should confidently ask her to see a movie with me and go from there? (that seems a bit much, but I don't know). Should I calmly tell her how I feel about her? (that seems like a bad idea) Should I ask her if she's happy with her boyfriend and tell her she should be with me? (again, seems a bit much but I don't know). Should I do all three? or none of them? Thanks for any input you may have.
ANSWER: Hello Matt we got some work to do. Okay Matt when I read the sentence that she broke up with her boyfriend, before you could go to the next sentence, I knew they got back together. Matt unfortunately that's how things go. This girl had a fight with her boyfriend and was definitely in a vulnerable position, hence the main reason why she was given you so much time and attention. Matt she may very well like you, but she is in love with the other guy, and I don't see her leaving him anytime soon. You see Matt we often stay in broken messed up relationships because we are broken and messed up as well. For her to put up with so much negative behavior with her ex only says that she has some problems as well. Remember in many cases like attracts like. I would not be surprise if hypothetically she starts to date you then starts treating you the same way that her boyfriends treats her now. Trust me Matt things happen like that a lot. Okay Matt to answer your question should you pursue this girl? I think you need to leave it alone because even if she decides to date you,it sounds like you're going to be caught in the middle of a love triangle. I know you don't want that. She would be more confused then she would be loving to you right now. Now when you said that your not trying to ask for help to steal her away from her boyfriend, but YES you are, you are asking how to steal her away in a subtle way. But Matt we all want something that we can't have. I believe it will cause more stress on you to go after someone who is clearly confused and in love with someone all at the same time, so don't say anything and leave it alone. Matt I'm not saying that you shouldn't be friends with her, but you have to set limits. Calling her at night with her boyfriend there is a no no because I'm sure you wouldn't want anybody texting your girlfriend at night friend or not. Matt it's time to go after other women, ones who are not in a relationship and try your chances with them. Trust me Matt you might not like what I say, but it's for the best. Matt I want to remind you one more time: You are chasing a woman who is in a relationship with someone else. Campaigns like that never turn out the way you want them to. You have to grow up and get with the program. Matt it's time to throw this one back in the sea and start fishing for another. If you need advice on how to get new women then let me know. Good Luck!
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QUESTION: But she keeps throwing herself at me! Well, not literally, but she keeps calling me at work and texting me! What am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do?
And I never really asked IF I should pursue her, because I know I shouldn't. And I wouldn't if she didn't seem so interested in me and there wasn't such good chemistry. What's my next step here? Do I just tell her how I feel about the situation? Do I ignore her entirely? I just don't want to be used. I've had more than my fair share of that and I'm tired of it. If she keeps calling me at work, then I'll have to say something. I CAN'T ignore her then.
Matt you should definitely tell her how you feel about the whole situation and see how she responds to it. Explain to her if she likes you back then she needs to make preparations to leave her boyfriend. If she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend, but still wants to mess around with you then that's a red flag dude. Why would you want a woman who cheats on her boyfriend because she will likely do the same thing to you. You don't need that in your life Matt. It seems like your very interested in her so be careful and don't let your infatuation cloud your judgement.