How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Confused about this girl
QUESTION: Hi, I'm a 21 year old college student. So there is a girl in my class in my language studies class who I like. So the first few days I see her I notice that she laughs at every comment I make in class. When I participate in the class discussions she just cracks up. for the following few days thereafter she would smile at me every time I entered the room, and she did it with her eyes too. I wanted to talk to her, so I did and I tried to play tic tac toe with her just for fun. Then she whipped out her phone and we played ice hockey together before class started. Then she wanted to see me play all the games on her phone and she laughed with me as I failed miserably at all of them. I like to make fun of myself sometimes and I notice that It makes her smile. Anyways, It seemed like things were off to a great start. The next class I came in a little late, she smiled at me again. And I have to tell you, it didn't look to me like just a friendly smile. It was more of a "come hither", flirtatious smile. So as the class went on, the professor told us to get into groups of four. It was me, her and two other girls who were in our group. One of the girls asked me for my name and I said "she knows my name" #she meaning the girl that I liked#. #I was trying to tease her#. Then she giggled and told the girl what my name was. Then fast forward to later on in our groups, we discussed the most annoying fads of the English language, and I told my group that I hated the word "totes". So the girl turns around and jokingly tells me "I'm going to say totes to from now on". Then as we volunteered our discussion's to the class, I told the class that I had a pet peeve of people saying totes, and I put her on the spot and told everyone "and she told me she's going to say it to me from now on". I did this jokingly and I didn't mean any harm by it, I was just teasing around. Then I told her " I just put you on the spot lol". Notice, I didn't apologize for putting her on the spot,#I know that is unattractive behavior#, I was simply reaffirming it. She then said " That's ok lol". But I noticed afterwards that anytime I said a comment where everyone laughed, she didn't laugh, because she usually laughs at anything I say. Her vibe changed after I "outed her in class". Perhaps some red flag popped up in her mind that caused her to show less interest. Part of what I try to do when figuring out a girl's attraction level is gauging interest. So I figured I would try and give her a back massage to see how she reacted. It seemed risky, and I really regret doing this too soon, as I barely know the girl, but at the time I felt like trying it out. So at the class ended I reached out and massaged her back for about four seconds, and I asked her "does that feel good", then she said No, but not in a disgustful way it had more playful mocking undertones. what I noticed though was that she didn't try to move away, then I took my hands away #I was a little embarrassed because I realized the whole class was watching lol# but didn't say anything and then class ended. Today when I saw her, she didn't smile at me when I walked in, but as I sat down and talked with her she didn't seem uncomfortable with me at all, just polite and casual. I told her, "wow teacher's not here yet". "Its like 9 o'clock and I'm usually late." then she replies, "yeah your here on time". when I talk with her she seems comfortable with me, which makes me think the back massage was no big deal, but like the class prior. she didn't laugh at my comments at all, even when everyone else did. Its like she saw me in one light and quickly shifted to putting me into another light after I made the comment comment in class. I'm starting to think that maybe she's not showing as much interest and is trying to protect herself from something she's afraid of. Maybe something in her past that makes her feel vulnerable and is trying to avoid it. As if she likes me, but doesn't want to show it because of some type of insecurity of sorts. I don't think the back massage deterred her because I sensed a change in her vibe before that, right after I playfully put her on the spot in front of class. When she told me she was going to say "totes" from now on, maybe she's getting all of these Ideas about how I am that are scaring her. I feel like she understood that I was just fooling around, but then again I could be wrong. I am an intuitive person and I try to read people, but I can't seem to get her that well. I think though, as the guy I should keep flirting and showing interest, because if I quit, she might start thinking that I wasn't interested enough or she might think she drove me away. But what do you think?
ANSWER: Hello Nathan let's get started. Your situation is really not that difficult to solve. I think you're ultimately wasting your time with this girl. Either your going to make a move and ask her out or not. By constantly analyzing her your going to confuse yourself more and end up saying or doing something stupid. If I were you I would ask her out and get to know her outside of the classroom. Yes you may have very well embarrassed her( and that also could have been some childhood insecurity) but you can make all that up by just asking her to go on one date with you. I need you to take more action instead of thinking your way through things. So your assignment is to ask this girl out on a date as soon as possible and not worry if she rejects you or not. Keep on being smart and funny that's an attractive trait to have, but also get to know this woman more so that you know what makes her tick or not. If she rejects you Nathan then that's okay just keep it moving and go after somebody else. You're only 21 and have a long life ahead of you so just take it easy and don't be afraid to go for what you want.
This is a general answer to your question, please let me know if you need some deeper advice.
PS. you can go to my website and download my free EBOOK "Be the man that Women Love"
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thanks for the response and great advise! I would also like to ask this: Is it that I'm too busy analyzing the interactions rather recreating the playful vibe? And perhaps women's doubts and insecurities get to them, and their emotions waver, but as the guy, I should make sure to move the relationship forward anyway, regardless of their worrying, change in behavior...etc. It's the male/female dynamic that is important when creating and maintaining attraction. where the masculine energy is constant and doesn't waver, and the feminine energy changes and allows the woman to express a wide range of emotions and feel secure in the mans presence. I know that this is what women do because I've researched female psychology to better understand what is happening when interacting with them. However, I don't want to try and overanalyze anything and mess things up. Perhaps by fearing the situation itself, I am doing the exact opposite of what I should be doing, which as aforementioned, should be to be sure of myself, and also, sure of the bond between her and I. I ask this because I don't want to just ask her out out of complete ignorance of her feelings, I feel like I have to know if she has some level of interest. Last question: I think she might still be interested, do you? I only ask because my attraction might be clouding my judgment and giving me false hope. Sorry for the length, but I appreciate your feedback.
Nathan you're right in the sense that women are more emotional and men are more logical, that's why women tend to have more mood swings than men; hence why women have a hard time getting along with each other. But once again you're over-analyzing the situation and you know it. Nathan it's good that you have studied the psychology of women and it puts you ahead of many men, but experience will beat out theory any day and you know that. It sounds like you're curious to know what happen in that girls mind that day, well why don't you ask her if she was offended and see what she says. It could be totally different than what you think. That's why you shouldn't over analyze things based on research because every body is unique and can surprise you. Nathan I want you to practice taking action, and not worry about rejection. I believe the fear of rejection is ruling your thought process and paralyzing you. Nathan you're not in her brain and you don't have mind control over her, so you don't know how she feels about you, therefore you need to put yourself out there and see what she says. If I had second guess if a woman like me every time before I started talking to them then I would not have been so successful with women. You have to have confidence in yourself and realize that she's lucky to be talking to you not the other way around.
"I not going to tell you if she's interested in you or not because I want you to find out yourself" That's how the game is played, you need to stay confiden in yourself in the midst of the unknown.