How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/I 'hate' this girl

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QUESTION: There's this girl I liked. She showed interest in me first, but eventually when I started showing some interest in her, she started to ignore me totally and she became damn rude/flaky to me for no reason. I then decided that I should not show her interest anymore. I met her once and when she said hi I responded in a cold manner. In my mind I was reminding myself that she was really bad to me. The weird thing was that she then came and commented on my facebook profile picture after that. Of course I ignored it as well.

It has been 5 weeks since, I haven't seen her or had any form of contact with her. I then just met her today at a party. I gave her the same cold response when she said hi. After that I didn't talk to her at all. However I noticed her looking at me talking to other girls from the corner of my eye. At the end of the day, before I was leaving, I went around telling goodbye to all those I knew over there. I did not say good bye to her. I noticed that she was looking at me during that period as well.

The thing is, I still want this girl. I don't know why she is behaving like that but I want to know what she is up to. And is my way of dealing with her correct? I am still open to dating other girls by the way, but I still like her deep down in my heart.

ANSWER: Hello Jason!

I can't tell you why she's being rude either. It's certainly not a very effective technique if she's actually interested in you. In fact, it's pretty dumb.

First you need to ask yourself if you're really interested in being with someone this rude/flaky/dumb. I'm not sure you'd want to be.

As to your reaction; I think you have the right to be offended if you're being mistreated by someone but it's like going into a restaurant, getting lousy service and then just paying your bill and walking out unhappy - nobody benefits. Worse, other people are likely to receive the same poor service unless you let the owner or management know.

You have a second problem here: I'm guessing besides this party, most of your contact has been online. You honestly can't evaluate anyone's actions online - rude or otherwise - unless they're actively flaming or trolling you. You can only use their in-person actions as a guide.

I'd suggest another way of handling this.

Online, treat her like you'd treat any acquaintance. Be nice but don't go out of your way. The next time you see her in person, approach her and again, but nice and engaging. If she's rude then, call her out on it! Don't let her mistreat you and expect her to be an adult and take responsibility.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I haven't had the chance to talk to this girl or meet her in person. But I really did want to talk to her in person. At least a general conversation.

So I decided to find out what she thinks of me. I got my friend, a girl, who's studying in her class to help me just casually mention me and see her reaction. My friend then told me that she said that I was the best guy in the group (as we were in a dance group together last time and that's where we met). She also said that I was very cool and a damn sweet guy. My friend tried to get more out of her, so my friend said that I dance really well too. Then the girl said to my friend, "What are you hinting at? What are you saying?" And then the girl laughed.

I don't know if I am reading too much into the girl's response and opinion about me. But I think I got a good chance. So I am thinking of stopping being cold, and talk to her when I meet her at a party tmr.

What do you make out of the girl's reactions, and what do you think of my next action I intend to take?

Thanks for your time

ANSWER: Hello again Jason!

I'm afraid I can't make anything out of her reaction for a number of reasons. This is third-hand - from you. It's not a complete, accurate transcription of what was said and even then, there's no real context to it. She appears to like the way you dance, but even then, maybe she didn't want to offend your female friend thinking that you and she might be together.

Jason, stop looking for clues and just go for what you want. Don't make decisions on incomplete information - and it doesn't get much more incomplete than this.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi there,

She didn't turn up at the party. And I don't think I will get a chance to see her again as it will be the holidays after that. And once school resumes, I don't know if I can even get to see her again.

I have made a decision. That I want to talk to her, just a normal conversation. And that too in person. But circumstances seem to be against me since we just don't bump into each other.

Now there are only 2 ways I can talk to her. It's either I message her on the phone. Or I go straight to her hostel and show up at her doorstep to say hi. The latter of course seems creepier. But the former seems like I am selling myself again.

What do you think I should do? I feel that I can actually get this girl, but I just need to get in contact with her . What should I do?

Answer
Hey Jason!

This is why you need to learn the right steps to do at the right time and to take the opportunities when they come.

You should message her and suggest that you and she go get a drink.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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