You are here:

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Dealing with a girl who plays hard


QUESTION: There was this girl I felt was interested in me in college. So I reciprocated some interest as well, by asking her questions about herself and her college. i also iniated a text conversation.The next thing I know she starts ignoring me. Then suddenly she starts acknowledging me in person and then she plays cold again.

I was pissed off and I began ignoring her. I was very cold to her in person, barely said a hi every time we met. And I never texted her at all anymore. I did this for about 2 months.

Once she even went on to compliment my profile pic on Facebook when I have her the cold shoulder in college. I know that she was trying to get my attention back, probably fearing she lost it.

However, recently my friend spoke about me to her. She was saying some good things about me such as I was a damn sweet and damn cool guy.

So I thought of maybe just wishing her luck before our final exams. I never got a chance to meet her in school, so I tested her. She replied and we talked awhile. She then said we should meet up and I asked her if lunch around college would be okay. She said sure. Then I set a day but she couldn't make it and she said the following week would be good. Then our conversation broke down when she didn't reply my last text. So I followed up after 3 days asking her when were her papers. She didn't reply and it has been 5 days since.

To be honest I really feel disrespected. I know she is playing some sort of game, but was she even sincere when she said we should meet up? I was sincere when I wished her all the best, and she could have just said thanks and talked something else. Why did she have to initiate something she was not serious about? I think it's extremely rude of her.

Now how do I react to her? Also, did I screw up with her? I still am interested in her. What can I do to turn things around? If there is no way at all for us to get together, at the very least, even if I do not get this girl, I want to restore some self respect and let her know that I can't be bothered. What do I do?

ANSWER: Hi, Thierry.

This behavior is as frustrating as it's common, especially among girls of your age. There could be all kinds of reasons for it - she might be naturally flaky, or inconsistent, or she plays some kind of game, or maybe she just like attention from different guys. There are two ways to approach this:

1. Moving on without bothering her any more. I don't think you screwed up with her. You made your interest clear and you put yourself out there. Her behavior, as you mentioned, is less than respectful. Whatever the reason is, dealing with her more and more will only lead to more disappointment in your part.  

2. If you are in the book to be a bit more direct (my personal preference), and she ever contacts you, I would confront her a little bit (without sounding like you are begging for her attention) and see what she is made of: "Hey, I think you are cool and I would like to get to know you better, but I wish you weren't this flaky and could actually show up when you say you will where you say you will" or something along those lines. Some girls will get defensive and scared if you confront them that way, while a few will respect this kind of straightforwardness and might just change their ways with you. There is only one way to find out.   

Thanks, and I hope this helps.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi there PH,

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it. Do you think playing her own game with her will be a good thing to do? To get her to feel a taste of her own medicine? To be honest, that is what I mostly feel like doing now.

Thanks for your time once again.

Hello, my pleasure.

I don't think that trying to get back at her or allowing your anger and frustration with her guide your actions otherwise is a good idea. I would just leave her alone and not bother her until and unless she makes it clear that she is interested and is ready to change her flaky ways. Otherwise, try to pursue and focus on other girls.



How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts



I will provide unique, proven to be effective, and specific insights into how YOU can approach and meet a woman in any situation, and how to not miss those opportunities that most men miss out on, how to handle fear of approaching, how to improve confidence and self esteem, the best things to say to a woman and how to respond to her. Learn more about me and my work at


I sold over 50 audio programs on dating at and have been receiving great feedback on this site as a dating expert in general dating section.

M.A. in Philsopophy and Logic

©2016 All rights reserved.