How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Am I allowed to feel entitled to a girlfriend?
Hello! I just have one question, and it's kind of embarrassing to ask, but it's one that's prompted a lot of introspection over the last year or two, and it still puzzles me to this day.
First, I'll explain a little about myself so that the question makes sense:
I'm not ugly or short.
I have a sense of humor and enjoy making people laugh.
I have good listening skills and like having heart-to-heart talks.
I have various hobbies and talents that people think are interesting and cool
I'm not loud or obnoxious in most social situations, nor am I too quiet
I have good hygiene.
I'm not a mean-spirited person.
People have said that I'm "weird in a good way" (which is another way of saying that I'm unique, I guess?)
The question is: With all of these good qualities, am I allowed to feel entitled to a girlfriend? As far as I can tell, I have enough attractive qualities to feel gypped when I see loser guys with girlfriends. It just seems like all the girls that I'm interested in could care less about me (as more than friends, I mean).
This question might seem like one that comes from arrogance. But honestly, I'm one of the most insecure guys that I know, and I'll be the first to admit I have a ton of flaws (self-pitying, kinda skinny, passive, and attention-seeking, etc.) Not claiming that I'm perfect, just that I have a lot of things going for me.
Ultimately, I'm just wondering why I have so many female friends, and none of them want to date me. What makes good dating material? Thanks in advance
Interesting question! The answer to it is very simple, and it seems almost self-evident to me now that I'm older, but it's an important one, and I appreciate you coming out and asking me explicitly, because I believe many men ask themselves this very question and often come to the wrong conclusion.
The answer is no. No one is EVER entitled to a girlfriend.
Really think about that: you are asking if you are entitled to demand that another sentient, independent human being provide for you what you want. What would you think if someone told you that they were "entitled" to your company, your attention, your time, your energy, and you had no say in the matter? Hardly seems fair, does it? In fact, there is only one instance where we would accept this: when the other human being in question is a child.
And this is the crux of the matter: it is perfectly natural, even necessary, to feel entitled to such things as a child. After all, we can't provide them for ourselves. However, for a variety of reasons, some of us cling to this sense of entitlement even as we get older, some people for the rest of their lives! I'm glad you brought this question out into the open because it means you are being skeptical of its validity, you are doubting that it necessarily is the case. These kinds of questions are important steps in growth.
So although I could understand why you might think such a question is a sign of arrogance - and it may well be - that wasn't my first assumption. I saw it as a sign of very natural, very healthy frustration: you are doing and becoming a lot of the right things, and you are finding out that sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes we have to question our assumptions and realize some of them are WRONG. NONE of us are entitled to other human beings, I don't care if you're the hunchback of Notre Dame or George Clooney.
Towards the end there, I think you touched on why you have a lot of friends, but no woman is chasing after you: you have certain "flaws" as you put it that need working on. There are certain intangibles, certain things that most people will dismiss, ignore or ridicule that are extremely important for getting what you want out of life. Those things, namely, are self-pity, lack of assertiveness and an irrational demand for other people's attention. These are the things you will need to work on, and then the question of what you deserve or are entitled to will be irrelevant: the things you want will just start happening for you, almost as if by osmosis.
Anyway, I hope that helped! Also hope it didn't come across as too harsh! Take care!