How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/I do not know if she likes me

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QUESTION: Hi Dr Dennis,

There's this girl i know from college whom I met during a rehearsal for a college dance competition. There are certain things which she did, but i dont know if they are true indicators of whether she likes me. For example, whenever she talks to me she gives me a longing look and has a small smirk on her face which she tries to hide and sometimes looks away to avoid eye contact, its like as if she feels shy. Also she has been asking questions about me and family and my sibling etc. Also, she takes note of me, like when i cut my hair she comes and tells "hey you cut your hair". Moreover she laughs at my jokes, even the bad ones, and i caught her looking at me sometimes, only for her to quickly switch her gaze to something else when i make eye contact with her. So the thing is, does she like me?

Secondly, I decided i should maybe make the first move and talk to her. So I sent her a simple personal message in response to a problem she mentioned in our group chat. I didnt send her a consoling message, but a simple message as to what she can do. She then replied back stating what she intended to do next about it and elaborated on her problem. I then told her it was the right thing and that her situation was indeed tough. I was expecting her to reply to me, but after that she did not. And it has been 3 days since. So now I am confused as to whether she likes me? And whether she is trying to get me to chase her by not replying to me. I intend to start ignoring her the next time I see her. Do you think that's the right thing to do? What should i do? Please help me out here. Thanks!

ANSWER: Hello Josh!

First; she's interested. That doesn't mean she's attracted however and I'm not saying she is or isn't.

You have to be careful trying to interpret a person's look. In fact, if you slow down the scene you'd find there are hundreds of individual gestures we make with our faces when talking to someone else. These are based on split-second impressions and by themselves aren't reliable in determining what a person is really thinking.

On the other hand, asking you questions about yourself, your family, etc.; noticing changes you make (like haircuts, etc.) are good indications that she's paying attention and thus, is showing interest. But, as I've already said, interest isn't attraction, but it's the precursor to it.

Women are notoriously good at keeping their real intentions hidden. I won't go into all the details behind this but you already know it's true.

In reality, SHE made the "first move" here by being outgoing and interested in you. She opened the door (and good for her for doing it!) but you have to step through it and turn this into something (maybe attraction?)

You're idea of ignoring her now is an absolutely sure way to kill off anything further. If that's your goal, be my guest! You won't have to worry about her asking about you or any of those confusing looks any more. That will all go away.

Here's what she's thinking: "Well, I started talking to him and told him [in her language] that I was interested. He gave me some confusing logical answers but doesn't show me any interest back. Maybe I should just move on..."

When you PM'd her you tried to solve her problem - a HUGE mistake! She's an adult (I'm assuming) and doesn't need you to fix her little boo-boos for her. What she wants and needs is someone who gives a shit and cares how she feels about things. That's exactly what you withheld!

Thus, to her, all of your actions are ones of someone who isn't interested in her. Now, you want to give her even MORE disinterest and think that's going to make her chase you? Come on here Josh. It's time to get a clue. You're quickly losing this girl - not being more attractive to her.

Don't chase her either. Put all the games aside and ask her out already! Just go for what you want. In her mind, she's already done most of your work for you. If you don't turn that into something she's going to give up feeling slighted, scorned and humiliated.

By the way; if she's interested now the question is; how do you turn that into attraction. It's simple: you start building rapport and connection with her. You can't do that from a distance.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi doc,

I followed your advice, I tried to establish some rapport with her by talking to her in our next rehearsal. Initially she took notice of my hair again and mentioned about it. But after that, I found it difficult to talk to her. She kept avoiding eye contact with me even though she was next to me. Then when she mentioned she was having some problem with her costume and I asked her what, she just ignored me totally. It was like it was hard to get through to her suddenly. And the thing is, she was talking to other guys normally, except for me.

What exactly is going on here? It was quite hurting and humiliating. I feel that i have done nothing to deserve such treatment.

Tomorrow is the show day itself. Its the last day I may meet her as after this we have no other chances of meeting unless we randomly bump into each other somewhere (which has never happened and i dont expect to happen). What should I do? Should I ignore her as well? Or should I confront her as to why she ignored me? Tomorrow is my last chance, what do I do?

ANSWER: Hey Josh!

No, you didn't take my advice. I told you to ask her out. That's what she was waiting for. Instead, you wanted to try to ease your way into things and she's now on the exit-plan.

Yes, it's your last chance. Just tell her that you're not likely to see her again but want to get her number and plan on meeting up next week.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hey there,

She carried on ignoring me again in the beginning of the day. I had to struggle to talk to her as usual. However after our performance she started to open up and talk as usual. So I responded as usual. Later into the night I did ask her out, but it has been 3 days since and I have not received any reply. What exactly is going on here? Is she trying to play hard to get by doing the whole ignoring thing? What should I do?

Answer
Hey Josh!

There's way too much about this I don't know. You say you asked her out - did you do it by text or something? If so, no wonder she didn't respond! How weak and cowardly!

If you were talking to her you should have asked her out and gotten a response right there.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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