How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/What's the next step

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QUESTION: Hi doc,

I have told you earlier about my situation before, but just in case you might have forgotten I shall summarize the details.

There's this girl whom I met during a rehearsal for a show. She initially showed a lot of interest in me by asking me a lot about myself and taking note of me. I then went to send her a personal message regarding a problem she was talking about in a mobile chat group, which you said was a big mistake btw. After that she began ignoring me during the next rehearsal, it became hard to talk to her all of a sudden. Then you suggested I ask her out straight away. On the final day, I decided to do so after our performance. At the beginning of the day, she played her usual ignoring game. She even went around to take photographs with everyone personally except for me. However later on, she finally came and took a pic with me. After the performance, she became even more warmer towards me. I don't know whether it was because I was receiving a lot of individual stage time where the whole crowd were chanting my name and cheering for me. I was then walking her out and talking to her as she made her way out of the place. Later into the night I messaged and asked her out for lunch. It has been 5 days since and she has not replied.

Okay I know you are going to say that I screwed up by not asking in person and messaging like a weakling. I realise my mistake as well. Okay now we are going to have a gathering soon and she will be there. So how should I behave towards her, should I ignore her and wait for her to come and talk to me? Or should I casually talk to her?

I messed up earlier, but I still have some hope that there's a way back into this, even if it may take very very long. What should I do next with regards to this girl?

ANSWER: Hello Joshua!

Frankly, you've received an answer from her by the sheer fact that she didn't reply to your text.

As to how to act, don't do anything differently. Be fun, open, engaging and talk with everyone there. Don't avoid her. You can act like nothing happened - because it didn't. It was HER who was rude by not even bothering to respond to your text (although, it was a cowardly move on your part).

If she does talk to you, just be calm and relaxed about it. Don't give her any additional time or attention. That's just a reward for her bad behavior. On the other hand don't hide either.

If she brings up the fact that she didn't respond with some lame excuse ("Oh, sorry, I've been busy.." - really? Too busy to just send a 20-second courtesy text??? Now THAT'S rude!) just say, "Yeah. I was very disappointed in you. I thought you were a better person than that".

However, don't try to turn this into anything. Let it go and move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi there again,

Thank you for the advice. The thing I am really confused about is that, I initially thought things could work out because of the way she used to come and talk to me, and the kind of personal questions she would ask me and compliments she would give me. She tends to be kinda flirtatious as well. So I was with the impression that she probably liked me or was interested in me in the first place.

But what do you think could have caused her to ignore the message? Is she trying to get me to chase after her? Or is this some test of some sort? Its just that I have been trying to make some sense of this and i cant figure it out. So what do you think?

ANSWER: Hey Joshua!

They probably could have worked out. The most common thing I see is men talking themselves right out of a woman's life by doing all wrong (and frankly, dumb) things. It's a bitter pill to swallow but the fact is; you ruined your own chances with her. As to what that was, I have absolutely no idea! I'd have to have been there watching and listening to you.

As to making sense of it, accept the fact that you broke something. I'm sorry to put this all on you - I'm sure you didn't do it intentionally, but nonetheless, here we are. Let it go, learn better technique and move on to find even better women. Her loss.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi there,

Well I happened to hear that the girl has some problem receiving personal messages on her mobile. So I wanted to verify, I sent her another casual text to which she didn't reply. The next day I contacted her on Facebook thinking that she genuinely has not been receiving all of my messages on mobile all along.

I sent her a message saying her I need to ask you question. She immediately responded asking me to say it. I then asked "which of the following happened to you, a.you got kidnapped, b. Your phone deletes messages on its own" she then said haha none. I then asked if she received my message earlier then, given she didn't respond. She immediately went offline and didn't reply.

You see the weird thing is, before I even started all of this verification, when she saw me in school she would come tome and say hi and ignore me the next day and continue the mixed signals, when she was aware that I had sent her the text way before. So I realise that she is actually playing a game with me and trying to get me to chase her.

Also she probably responded immediately as she thought that when I mentioned I needed to ask her a question, I was going to ask something along the lines of me liking her.

Okay now that I have uncovered her mask, I think that it's my turn to play her now, and I intend to ignore her from now on.

What is your advice with regards to this, how do I deal with her? The thing is she voluntarily shows interest to take it away and make me chase. I now want to do the same and I think she deserves it. You think it's possible I can make her chase me back?

Answer
Yo! Joshua!

Wow. This is just getting embarrassing now. You couldn't possibly be more wrong, but you're not going to listen (and haven't listened) to me so be my guest - go do it your way.

Trust me, she got your texts and your messages. You haven't "uncovered" anything. Go ahead a play whatever game you think you want and let's see where you are in three months.

Thus, I have no advice to give you. Doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons based on the wrong set of beliefs is only going to result in the wrong outcome.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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