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How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Falling for a girl who is attached

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QUESTION: I was actually having a crush on this single girl, but it never worked out between us. Then I met this other girl in my college. We were working together for a dance competition. We then got to know each other better and we starting spending some time together.

We have been texting each other very often recently. And we would joke with each other and all. In her mind, she still thinks that I have a crush on that single girl I mentioned earlier.

Now I am starting to fall for the second girl. The catch is, her boyfriend is abroad and they have a long distance relationship. So is it right for me to fall for her? And she likes being around me also. I see it in her that she does like me too. So what do I do?

ANSWER: Hello Jason!

It's not "right" to "fall for her" until you actually have her, but being interested is ok. What I don't want you to do is to get emotionally invested in her before you actually have something real.

In fact, this isn't just "right" to do, it's actually saving this poor girl! Having a long-distance relationship is just stupid - and dangerous. I see more harm coming to people because of these dumb, cowardly things than any other single factor in relationships.

You're going to have to be careful to not become the "surrogate boyfriend" however. It's the same thing as becoming the "friend" - you'll never, EVER be anything else to her. In other words, if she's using you for all that closeness, rapport, connection, support, etc., while still thinking she's "in a relationship" with someone else, you're screwed.

Drop the hint that this long-distance thing is dumb (you don't have to be as direct as I am here) and that she's losing valuable time. Then, start making some moves here.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Why do you think it's harmful to be in a long distance relationship? Thank you so much for answer previously by the way.

I have told myself not to fall for her, but just be around her, teasing her alot since that is the kind of person I am. And trying to be there with and for her throughout the upcoming competitions we have as well.

Thanks for your time! I really appreciate it!

ANSWER: Hello again Jason!

I've written a great deal about LDR's and just how bad they are. There's a ton of psychology and science behind all of this I won't bore you with (you can look up my articles on this subject or read my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World III" if you want details) but suffice it to say that I constantly see a LOT of damage caused to people in LDR's that often takes months or even years to fix - if it ever does.

Trust me on this: you do NOT want to be in an LDR!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Okay now our show has ended and we have no excuses such as rehearsal to spend time with each other alone. It has been a few days since we went back to our normal lives. We still shared some limited texts. And she is still in her LDR.

Do I stay away and see if she misses me? Or should I really make moves and ask her out for a movie, and continue showing her attention and stuff?

Also, if a girl takes notice of your personal habits, clothing, and even smell and birthday, is that a good indicator of her interest in you? There was once I introduced her to a close friend of mine. And I just teased her by saying to my friend "she was that very nice girl I was telling you about". Hours later she came up and asked what exactly I meant, which means that she was thinking about it. Most importantly, I can feel it. So are these good indicators of her liking for me?

Answer
Hey Jason!

Here's the biggest problem you face: you're real - not a fantasy. How do you compete with a fantasy? Her LDR "boyfriend" is the fantasy.

Staying away from her isn't going to be an answer either if you want to convert it into something real. It's time to start treating her more like a the girlfriend you want her to be.

Don't play that hard-to-get game or the insecure one either ("...see if she misses me...") That's going to backfire. Be real with her.

It's good if a girl takes notice of these things - but it's not a specific answer either.

As I said, start treating her like the girlfriend you want her to be. Yes, you should take her out but don't lavish affection, attention, gifts, etc., on her until she's earned it from you. Your job isn't to be the supportive "emotional tampon" or (worse) "friend" while she stays in that ridiculous LDR. It's to give her options so she can make a good choice (you!)

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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