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How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Can't find anyone I feel anything real for recently


I'm a 23 year old male who hasn't been infatuated with anyone for 3 years now. I've met fleeting people who on other circumstances may have been the people who got my attention, and people who I thought got my attention but only because of my idea that I should have found someone by now.

I don't get it. After my first GF (aged 15/16), and the first person I was infatuated with, I spent 2 years chasing shadows and generally not knowing what I was looking for. Then, from 2009-2011 I met 2 girls who I felt infatuation for, and 2 who I really liked. Of the former, I went out with one, it was not to be much to my regret, and didn't go for the other, much to my regret- because she had everything all the others didn't have in terms of being "regular" and "right for me". The other two were flings while traveling which could never be anything more.

I've had girls occasionally interested in me since, and have pursued girls only to realise I was fooling myself, but I am struggling recently to find someone who gives me that "sureness" that I would get fairly regularly. What is it? I can't figure it out.. Is it pure dumb luck? Ok, maybe I'm quite picky, and I'm only attracted to maybe 1/50 girls physically, and 1/50 girls personality-wise- and even if you reason it out with the fact that personality often is similar to appearance, I think my bracket narrows to being quite rare.

Even so.. I met 4 (maybe more) girls in a 3 year period I could have been sure about if situation were right. Why haven't I met anyone recently?

Psychoanalysis is appreciated, Similar experiences are appreciated, Empathy, Tough love, and Harsh reality are appreciated. I just want feedback on this.. Why am I going through this spell? I know that when I feel "it" I feel confident about my ability to make things happen, but recently no-one has inspired me to make that step.. I don't get it..


Hello Daniel!

There are a very large number of reasons why this happens to some people. For some it's a timing thing. For other's it's about their health (mental and physical). For others it's about choices - most often bad ones. For others still, it's about about diet or exercise or rest or stress or ...

There's no possible way I can tell you why this is happening to you via this message system. What I do know is that for the vast majority of people who experience this sort of drop-off of interest in others; it's entirely correctable. The only exception are very rare organic conditions.

Something to understand about attraction is that this isn't an emotion. Neither is love by the way. Most people don't know or understand that. In fact, these are both drives - just like the sex drive or the drive to not get eaten by a tiger.

The reason why it's important to understand is that you'll go about dealing with it differently than if you think it's some sort of emotional deficiency or simply a "lack of interest".

Another question you need to answer for yourself is; if this even needs to be fixed. Obviously, you could go through the rest of your life not being interested in others. Many people do it quite successfully (well, relatively successfully, depending on how you define "success").

However, consider that dating, sex and relationships are high-skill activities. If you're not spending time practicing them you're not just stagnant, you're losing these skills. Worse yet, they get more difficult as you get older. This is the very best opportunity (in your 20's) to be learning these things. Your target market certainly is and that means you're falling behind.

You need to take stock of what's going on here and at least discover it's cause. Frankly I think you lose out on a lot of life not being with others (and I'm not just talking about friends here). The good news is that it's fixable, but not likely through a message board like this one.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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