How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/GOING CRAZY!!
Hello Dr! Thanks for reading my message. I am literally going out of my mind about this girl I have been crushing on. We meet about 3 months ago in one of my night classes. I was instantly attracted to her and it always seemed she like me too. She would laugh at my very lame not funny jokes, would turn around stare at me and smile. From there I added her on FB and tried casually talking. After the third message she went cold at first I was taken aback by it but then I later found out she's just not a text/IM person. But at this point she was giving me mixed signals. In class she would playfully hit me and go out of her way to flirt with me but online she was a completely different person. One day I told her I was interested in her and wanted her number to get to know her better. She told me she wasn't dating at the moment because she was busy with her life goals but we could talk as friends which I didn't have a problem with. But then we started to hang out and she took her flirting to the next level. After the first hang out she came onto me so strong and admitted to being attracted to me so the next day I messaged her and asked her out and like 5 days later she replied (in an annoyed fashion) that she only wants to be friends because of the reasons I said above. After that I just gave up on messaging her and never asked her out again. Then like two weeks later we were in her room and she came onto me really strong and tried to kiss me but I didn't let her because she was the one who claimed she only wanted friendship. When I left I immediately messaged her saying hey I respect your decision to be just friend but if you want to continue that then you can not tease me like you did. She never responded to that message. The following class. She tried to flirt with me but I was a bit distant because I didn't want her to think I was a puppet always waiting for her attention. She did not like that I was distant because the class after that when I tried to talk to her she flat out ignored me. I texted her later asking what was up cause she seemed upset she replied with 'you were mean to me last class and I don't like bullies' I replied with an apology and offered to meet her to apology in person but she didn't respond. The following day I got a 'I am sorry card and left a message on the inside' I pretty much just apologized for upsetting her and I told her I would never intentionally hurt her because I was starting to care about her' I was expecting for a reply and never got it. The next week in class she continued to ignore me but I didn't eve make an effort to talk to her. After that class a good buddy of mine told me that she isn't talking to me because putting the note one her door scared her, guess meaning she thinks I am a creeper which I don't understand she has invited me to her place and stuff before. It's not like I went in I just put it on the door and left. Currently I don't make any effort to talk to her and I for the last two classes completely ignored her. Now she's starting to laugh at my jokes again and will stare occasionally but overall she is still trying to "ignore" me. WHAT is going on? I am going crazy I think of her all the time I am trying to man up and forget her but it is hard! I have been doing good ignoring her and carrying on with my business but it aint easy sometimes I get the urge to message her...Please help! Do I have a chance?
DON'T GO CRAZY!!! Read on...
Well, if there was a mistake to make - you made it. In fact, you've made some new ones I've never even seen before! ;)
Rob, here's the problem: this girl is a manipulator. She manipulates people with the hot-and-cold game to see if she can get you to react - and boy, did you react! You did every little bit of jumping through hoops that she set you up for.
Stop and think about that for a minute. Do you really think that any girl is interested in some guy she can so easily manipulate? Do you think that this in any way gives HER what she needs to feel attracted to you? (Answer: absolutely not! It's 100% the opposite of what she - or any girl - needs!)
So, you don't understand this game or girl - I get that. The problem however is that you've done so much damage here that I don't even know where to direct you now. Not only do you have to fix all of this, you then have to go way the other direction and create your own standards and then even get her to give you a chance to use them.
Really Rob, which one of these stupid choices of yours should I beat you up over? Being her friend? Really? is that all you think you're worth? Following her around like a lost puppy? Really? Turning her down when she kisses you? Are you for real? Buying her an "apology gift" when you had absolutely nothing to apologize for? Oh, come on here! Rob, this isn't even half of the looonnnnggggg list of problems!
Ok, let's be clear here: you have absolutely no game. That's why this girl (and likely many other girls) could so easily manipulate you. The biggest problem is that playing along like this just means you can BE manipulated. It also tells women that you can't be the strong, directed, knows-where-they're-going type because you react to every slight breeze rather than having your own game and expecting her (and others) to follow along.
So, bottom line: you need to learn a very large number of things here while unlearning whatever you've picked up so far. As to this girl and "having a chance" - the answer is: how quickly can you fix your education? The one you have now isn't going to get you anything more than more crazy.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”