How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Liking more than one girl


QUESTION: Hi there. I do want to get into a relationship with a girl as I have never been in one before and I have reached 21. I'm in college and I meet and hang around with alot of girls. Some of them even have a crush on me. The problem is, sometimes I don't know who I should go for.

When I get close to one girl, I lose my liking for her and I start to like the other one who I am not close to. The moment I get close to the other one, I lose interest for her and look out for another girl. It's like I can never settle on one.

What is my issue? What do you recommend I do? Especially since I have a few to choose from?

ANSWER: Hello Jack!

The issue is simple: you don't have your own "must have" list/relationship goals, and thus, every girl who walks by is the "right one" since they all fit your lack of decision making.

Is that also how you live your life? Jumping from one event to the next without any direction or planning or goals? You're in college, so you must have some idea where you want to go. The problem is you've done this for your life but you haven't done it for your love-life.

By the way, this is incredibly common. I see great people like you who haven't given even a single minute to considering specifically what they want in a significant-other. They just float along and hope the right person will fall into their laps one day when they least expect them to.

The reality is that the right person has come into your life many, many times and they've left it just as quickly. You didn't know what you were looking for and thus, you didn't recognize these women when they were there. You were already looking somewhere else because you don't want to believe you could have found that perfect person.

There's an easy answer to this however. Sit down over a few nights and turn off the phone, the television, the computer and any other distraction and just think. Have a pen and paper ready to capture the magic. Consider, what things do I want to have in a girlfriend? Then, capture every thought and idea you have.

Once you've created a complete list go back and look at each one and consider whether it's a "must have - deal breaker", a "nice-to-have but not critical" or "not really important" item and mark it that way.

Next, go back and count your "must haves". If you have more than 5 of them, you're not done. Pare it down to NO MORE than 5 must-have's. When you've done that, do the exact same thing for your relationship lifestyle. Consider what your life will be like with this person and think of every scenario - how often you see each other, if you live together or not, who your friends are, what you do, etc., etc. This is going to be a long list - trust me!

Then, do the same must-have/not-important exercise on this list.

Once you've done this correctly, you're going to know exactly who and what you're looking for. You'll never again be looking over the fence for the "bigger, better deal". You'll know exactly when she comes along.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you so much for that advice. I followed it diligently and it was such a hard exercise. I am still refining those 5 qualities from time to time.

By the way I approached this one girl whom I felt fit my bill. We have been texting for so long and we talked about going out for lunch before. So I asked her out for lunch and she said okay. Afterwards she asked about another mutual friend of ours and mentioned that we should go for lunch once he returns from his overseas trip.

For some reason I felt quite insulted that she does not want to go alone with me. And I feel annoyed as she wants to text me, but she does not want to go any further. I do not feel like going out for lunch at all now, as the other guy, who is just a friend of both of us, is honestly a dick. So should I not bring up the lunch plan again? Is pursuing this girl a waste of time?

Hello again Jack!

Yes, it's an exercise that easy to describe - and usually very tough to do!

Don't do lunch with any girl you're interested in. Lunch (and coffee) dates are for business. Dinner (or evening) dates are for romantic interests. That's the problem here. She isn't clear on what you want and you're (likely) too scared to ask for what you want.

Jack, stop that already! Be bold! You deserve to have what you want in your life (although not necessarily "who" you want - that you have to work to find). If she doesn't want the same things, big deal! NEXT!!!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”

How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder


I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at:


Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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