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How to Attract the Woman of Your Dreams/Should I give a gift to this girl

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QUESTION: (I think I might I have told you my story a few months back before, here I shall just say it again to refresh your memory)

Well there's this girl I liked in my college. She was in a long distance relationship herself during that period, but we both moved closely together. We spent alot of time together and she liked me. There were just too many signs for this but trust me when I say this, she did. After 4 months, I confessed my feelings, and at that point she actually took it well. She was really stunned and eventually she became shy, saying that she doesn't know what to say.

She went back to her home country and we stayed in touch through text. After the 2 month holiday when we returned, I realised that her behaviour towards me changed. She was hesitant to move around with me whereas previously she wouldn't even think twice to hang out with me. I realised that she might be trying to avoid dropping those signals she used to. So I stopped all contact with her, and I only responded to her whenever she came to talk to me.

It has been about 4 weeks, she started to slowly come back to me. But one day I dropped a text and we were having a very lengthy conversation about our college dance group (which we're both in). After awhile, I realised that something was missing in the way she texted. Its not that she was rude or anything, but it didnt have the spark it used to previously. So I quickly ended the text conversation myself.

Now her birthday is coming on 2 weeks. I am confused as to whether I should get her a gift, as on one hand, I feel that she doesn't even deserve a birthday wish from me since she doesn't even value the friendship we had. On the other hand, I don't know whether it would make me look like a jerk if i did not even wish her on her birthday.

Also, she did get me cupcakes on my birthday. However, if I were to get her a gift or even wish her, I am afraid I might feed her ego yet again. So I am quite confused as to what to do now. Should I wait to see how she behaves towards me and then react accordingly?

ANSWER: Hello Jackson!

A person's birthday is a unique opportunity to show that there's a connection. I think that acknowledging it is the least anyone should do if some connection exists. However, you want to match how you acknowledge a birthday to the degree the connection exists.

If you no longer have much more than an acquaintance connection or a minor friendship then a message is enough. If your connection is slightly bigger, then maybe a card is enough.

As to any other gift, it just doesn't sound like you have enough connection to warrant anything more. Simply recognizing her birthday should be enough unless things get bigger.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok thanks for the advice!

I have one more question though. I have not been speaking to her for awhile and recently when we texted it wasn't like how it used to be before. But given that I initiated a text, albeit with an excuse in the form of the college dance, I'm afraid that I might be indicating to her that I'm desperate for her attention. My concern is, is reinitiating the text a big mistake? Also I ended off the text wishing her luck for her exams.

Right now, I just don't want to appear needy in front of her. But I don't want to totally ignore her as that would look stupid also. How do I treat her in person? I feel like I need to recover some image in front of her back again. and would talking to other girls help?

ANSWER: Hello again Jackson!

Is this about her or you? In other words what are you really trying to do here? Are you being considerate and concerned for her or are you only worried how you look? Really? Really???

The point is this: trying to harden yourself in an attempt to look disinterested doesn't make you look stronger. It has the opposite effect. Instead, you want to be open to possibilities, but not overly giving based on what the situation warrants.

I don't know what the exchange between you and her looks like and thus, I don't know if you took it too far or not. Either way that doesn't matter. You can't make good choices based on individual situations. Instead, you need to have a single "standard" you live by. Then, when something like this happens you just compare it to the standard and the choice becomes obvious.

As to how to treat her, you don't want to ignore her as that isn't how you've been with her to date. You also don't want to reward her actions. Think of her in between a casual acquaintance and a friend. Somewhere inside that range is where you want to target your attention.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hello again there!

Actually you're right. I was a little obsessed with how I appear in front of her. I do have a standard I live by. I am a nice guy at heart who helps people and im usually the livewire of any social group I'm in. I'm always jovial and joking and chilled out. So that's how I've been all my life and that's my 'standard'.

But given that I'm such a kind of guy, I was just initially afraid that I might appear needy as a result. Caring for others is part of my character. So I couldn't resist showing her some care and wishing her for her exams. So in that case are my 'standards' going to be an obstacle?

Answer
Hey Jackson!

That's not the only kind of standard I'm talking about. You see standards as your expression (outwardly) to the world. What about the other way around? What about what you expect from the people you invite into your world? What about how they treat you?

Most men are diplomatic and caring by nature. The problem is; that works against you in romantic relationships.

Regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
CEO/Executive Producer
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
BAM! Productions
Remington Publications
323.638.4145
http://beingaman.com
Producers: "BAM! TV" and “Love and Sex”
Publishers: "Being a Man in a Woman's World I, II & III”

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Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" and 11 others. I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 30,000 letters from readers from all over the world. I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. If your question is particularly sensitive you can email me privately and securely at: dwneder@beingaman.com.

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Having helped over 30,000 people with their issues, I'm certainly qualified to help you with yours. I don't take the "feel good" approach at all. I'm direct and that comes from experience and research into what really works.

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Doctor of Philosophy

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Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.

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