Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/22/2007

Question
Hi Dr. Neder, I'm trying to approach and meet a girl I see frequently on the way to work in the morning in a train station environment. What is the best approach, (side by side?), and what to say at first to get her trust and interest? Please let me know what you think, Al.

Answer
Hello Al!

The "best" approach is one that has context. Context is simply what you and she have in common at that very moment at the place you meet.

Obviously, you both take the train and something about that mode of travel might be something you can use for a context approach. Where she gets off, or on the train might be something you can use. The fact that you live in the same or near-by cities can be context for an approach.

If all else fails you can even use some cocky humor as an approach. For instance, you might walk up to her and say, "Ok, I see you on this train every day. Are you stalking me or something?" This will get her laughing.

The point of the ice breaker isn't to make you sound like a suave, clever guy. In fact, in any approach, you want to take advantage of the fact that women *love* to talk and the vast majority of the (short) conversation should be from her! Trust me on this one: the more she talks, the better a conversationlist you'll come off as!

You don't even need context to approach someone. It just helps to make it easier. I once approached a girl I found in a park with this:

I walked up to her and said, "Hey, you know what? You kinda remind me of the person that killed my parents." Her eye got really big as she stared and me and said, "Whaaaa???" I then said, "I'm only kidding. Actually, I killed my parents." Then without even blinking an eye I sat down next to her and started a conversation, got her number and started dating her.

Remember Al, you're not trying to build trust or interest. In fact, these goals will work against you. You need to believe that you are the greatest guy she's going to meet this year and simply act like it. The interest and trust will come of her own valition.

Now, go meet her already and get her digits!!!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"