Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/8/2007

Question
I met a girl at work through a friend when we were drinking at her place.  We had a great time and when we talked at work she invited me over only one day after.  We got to know eachother pretty well, got kinda drunk and well it eventually led to sex.  She invited me over again a week later but she passed out early so nothing happened this time, I still spent the night though.  

Again she invites me over and while we are talking she tells me that I am a great guy but she does not want a relationship.  She even apologizes for her having sex with me the first night and says that I hope I don't think less of her.  What is confusing though is she continues to invite me over, is very flirty, teases like she is interested.  Usually I will tease and flirt with her as well and it usually leads to her wrestling me or biting me, in a good way of course!

Everytime I go over I spend the night and she usually cuddles up to me, although she now keeps her clothes on when she sleeps.  

So now I am confused, I don't want to push to hard if she really does not want a relationship since I am worried it will stop everything all together.  At the same time though I am worried that if I don't act on anything then I will end up in the friend zone.  

Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated!  I am at a loss.

Answer
Hello Kevin!

Why is she the only one that gets to decide what you have - or don't have? Aren't your goals just as important? (answer: yes they are, but they have to be important to YOU!)

Kevin, here's an important piece of information: women control the sex in a relationship, but men control the relationship itself. Think of this as something of a "masculine benefit".

Up to now, she's been doing all the inviting; and while you've been accepting, things are going nowhere. I suggest you take back some control and start actually going on a few dates! You can kiss her, cuddle, hold hands, have fun and even do more with her if you want.

However, I'd avoid trying to define any of this. You don't have to give it a name (like calling it a "relationship" even though it is one!) You have that power here, but you have to exercise it. If you don't, she will - and is!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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