Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/30/2006

Question
Hello Dr. Neder
I have a really big question that has been lingering on my mind form some time, so i thought that maybe you could help me out with it. First of all, my name is John and i am 18 years old. I just graduated high school, and i now go to college. In  my high school, i was a quiet kid, and for the most part i flew under the radar with some girls. I felt something special for this one girl, and whenever i had seen her, i always had the sense that she would look at me as if she liked me. You know how that feeling is, and then she would look away as soon as i looked at her. I am a really quiet guy so i never said anything to her, and i just about forgot about her. But the other day, my best friend and his new girlfriend had invited to to go out to dinner with them and his girlfriend's best friend, this girl that i had liked. So she reentered my life again. We had gone out about 2 times, and my best friend's girlfriend wants to hook us up together, and she tells me that this girl really likes me and could really so me in her future. As always with girls, i become very excited by the news, but i realize, like in the past, i always stumble with the next step, and i fall very hard when i fail to get her. I was wondering what i should do because i've been wanting to go out with her again    because its been two weeks since i seen her, but i dont want to be pushy, since that is what killed me in the past. I think about her all the time and my friend tells me that she asks to hang out with me all the time, but our four schedules are not aligned. Should i try to ask her to go out just the two of us, and if that goes well, how should i progress this relationship, because this is the step that i failed to complete in the past. She is very compatible with me but i dont know that much about her, but i definitely want to be with her in the future. Is it normal for me to be this excited?

im sorry for all the questions haha
thank you very much
im really looking forward to your response

Answer
Hello John!

Well, you may not being pushy and killing off any potential relationship with her, but it's dying a slow, agonizing death instead! I make the joke when I do radio and TV: "2 weeks? Do you know how long that is in 'girl years'?"

John, you're already about a week too late! Yes, you need to go out with her - just you and her, no friends. This is moving so painfully slow that she's going to lose interest and just move on.

I don't know what you're waiting for. She's shown you that she's interested. Her friends have told you that she's interested. You KNOW that she's interested and yet you're holding back. That's a good strategy if you want to be alone the rest of your life.

As far as pushing things too far too fast, yes, that's easy to do too, but the so called "fine line" isn't so fine. If you and she go out on a real date and it works, set another date for about 4-5 or as long as 7-10 days later. That's not pushing it "too fast".

During that waiting time, don't start sending her all kinds of emails, IM's or calling her. If you want to do one, that's ok or if she contacts you that's ok too. It's also a good idea to drop her a little note the next day and just say what a great time you had and look forward to seeing her again.

If you get something started here you're very likely going to make something out of this, but if you just hold back waiting for her to make all the moves, she's going to think you're a coward and will move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"