Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/7/2007

Question
Hey Dr. Neder,

My question to you is how will I be able to create an attraction between me and this girl?  I'm 20 years old, male obviously, majoring in some biochemistry.  I first met her the first day of class (my foreign language class), and her being a freshman, I thought I'd make the first move...by that I mean initiating a conversation.  It was the end of class, and since our class is pretty tough, I asked if she'd like to get together more often out of class to study together.  However, thing is it hasn't happened yet.  And I try to not make myself seem persistent, I don't like people thinking I'm desperate.  I'd really like to see her outside of class.  She has such an amazing smile.  What should I do to grab her attention?  I made 2 attempts asking her to study with me.  But she declined because of her freshman activities and another exam she had to study for.  I'd like to think she isn't telling me off because she does always say hi to me and give me this really happy smile.  But then again, I'm no expert, hence me asking you.  What should I do in this situation?  (fyi: she has a bf back home).  

Appreciate the help.

Answer
Hello George!

If she's told you no twice, that's a very bad thing! It means that you approached her too early and without the apprpriate rapport and connection. You see, if you create these things (which actually *is* attraction) she'd have been all over you wanting to meet up.

At this point, I'd suggest you back way off. Don't talk to her but don't seem to avoid her either. Give her about a month and then approach her again. This time spend some time just getting her to talk. Ask her how she likes the school, what she enjoys most about the class, etc.

After a few minutes of this say, "Hey, it was fun talking to you. Here, write down your number and let's get together to do this again soon."

Regarding the boyfriend, the real question is this: is she leaving at the end of the school year to go home? If so, you might not have much to work with. If she's staying there in your town, the boyfriend is absolutly a non-issue.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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