Expert: Aaron Beck - 9/25/2006

Question
Well, for the past two years there has been a girl I just can't stop liking. We liked eachother for a period of time, but that didn't go anywhere. Awhile ago she said she wanted to be "just friends" but sometimes I feel like she likes me, like when she sits close to me, colds my arm, says she loves me. I'm really confused, I need some advice on what to do...and maybe some tips on how to get her. Thanks.

Answer
Zach,

I think you already have her but you just don’t know it.  Women (of any age) look to men for leadership, especially in the romance area, so she is sort of testing you to see if you will assume that role or not.  Are you willing to do that?  If you are then you have to tell her.

That should not be a problem, sounds like you have plenty of time and opportunity together so at some point just say something like, “I think we should start dating” or something similar.  Note that I didn’t say “ask” her, I said tell her.  Not in a cocky or arrogant way but in a way such that she knows you are making the decision

I know that sounds kinda bold but it will blow the conversation wide open.  She’ll ask you a whole bunch of questions about what you mean by that etc., etc. but what she really wants to hear is that you find her attractive and sexy etc.  Telling a woman that is probably the most flattering thing she can hear.

You must remember this -- she is going to look to you for leadership.

AB