Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/6/2007

Question
QUESTION: This is a story about a relationship that may never
happen.  There is this girl in my grade that is
REALLY
cute.  I just don't know what to do.  Every time we
pass each other in the hallway I say hi or we smile
or
something like that.  She is the only girl in 8th
grade that I have feelings for.  I just can't get up
the strength to ask her out.  I am afraid that she
might say no.
She and I both like each other.  The thing is I
don't
know much abot her, and she dosen't know a lot about
me.
I really love her and have
feelings
for her.  I even wrote "I love Sammi" on my car in
Midnight Club 3.  I just don't know what to do.  Got
any suggestions?  Anyone out there?  I don't want to
talk about it to anyone because people might laugh
at
me.  We are involved in the same things at school.
I really love her and hope a relationship will work
between us.
I LOVE her and I realyy need some help.
ANSWER: Hello Shawn!

First of all, STOP!!! - No - you don't "love" her - you don't even know her.

By giving her this much power, no wonder you can't approach her! As I tell guys all the time, don't fall in love with it (cars, golf clubs, camping gear, women, etc.) UNTIL you own it! Then, you can fall in love IF IT WORKS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

What you are is infatuated - not in love. By the way, nobody's going to laugh at you here either - we've all been through it! Some of us, hundreds of times!!!

Here's the fact: if you ever want anything to happen between you, it's YOUR job to approach her - and she knows it! Just like most every other girl out there, she wants to be approached by someone that's interested in her - not to DO the approach.

The cool thing is that you already have something in common. You can just say, "Hey, let's get toegether after school and talk about [the things you have in common] and I'd like to get to know you better."

Could it really be that simple? Yes, it is! Give it a shot.

Then, when you get together (keep it simple - no huge, expensive dates or anything like that!) Treat it more like an interview. You're trying to find out who she is and if she's really the girl you hope she is. Don't have pre-conceived ideas. Instead, just get to know her and let her get to know you too.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yo.
Its me again.  I just have one mote question.  If this girl does say yes when I ask
her out, I need to know what to do.
All I need is the 4-11 on dateing.  Also, I need a way to tell this to my parents.
That is all,
Shawn Dunwoody
ANSWER: Hello again Shawn!

As far as what to do - as I said before, just keep it simple. Go have a soda or take a walk somewhere; go check out something in town you've always wanted to see, etc. HOWEVER: no movies or concerts. You need to have "face time" where you can talk and get to know her.

I'm not sure why the parents would be an issue. They know you're getting interested in girls and would probably be surprised if you DIDN'T want to start dating! Just tell them you've met someone and you and she are going to get to know each other. It's that simple.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Long time no see.
Okay, this is about something different.  Not about the girl I asked those lame
(really) questions to you.
Okay, there is this new girl named Liz in our class, and I want to know what
to do.  She is in my Spanish class and has the same classes I do, just a period
later.   Any way, I want to know how to confront her and how I should get to
know her.  She is nice and has a nice personality.  What should I do?

Answer
Hello again Shawn!

Those questions weren't lame. This is a life-long learning process and everyone has to start at the beginning. There are few (if any) shortcuts.

Let me ask YOU a question: why do you think that my advice would be any different for a girl names "Liz"? Go back and re-read my previous answer to you and follow that advice. It's identical.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"