Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/8/2007

Question
QUESTION: I was really hoping to find a female in this category to get their input, but it seems to me that the more attractive women (ridiculacly gorgous) will always treat the guy they are dating like crap. My friend claims always to have that problem and feels the need to dump them. What do you think? It can't be as simple as that these women can pretty much get what they want so they always push their luck?

ANSWER: Hello James!

I know exactly what you're saying here. Yes, it SEEMS like that to us guys because we're looking at it from our own perspectives - our own needs.

Consider this: if you tried to pull some of this crap with your buddies; what would happen? They'd start by questioning your manhood and eventually just dump you as a friend. That's because it's not only unreasonable, it's rude.

However, we guys tend to put up with it from beautiful women! That's a tragic mistake however.

Men and women bring different assets to the table. It's not exactly "fair", but it is the reality of life. Women bring their looks (and if you're smart) their skills. Frankly, very few guys worry about the latter and focus on the former. Men on the other hand bring their power which translates outwardly in many different ways - the way our friends treat us, our earning power, our "prestege" and many other ways.

What's particularly unfair about this is that as you get older, your power-base continues to grow. With women, their attributes fade over time. A "10" in her 20's will drop to a "5" or a "6" in her 40's. She knows that and has to work quickly to hook a guy that is a "10" in her eyes as early as possible. That's not my rule by the way - it was here when I arrived! It's also one of the main reasons that younger women are fascinated with older men!

Here's why beautiful women act this way: they're giving you what I call the "Pre-Test". It's a chance for them to see if your power-level is above, at, or below theirs. Since beautiful women have a much higher asset-value than their less-attractive girlfriends, they want you to bring a much higher power-base with you. All of these challenges are about proving that's who you are.

Here's an interesting aside to this discussion: many less-attractive women mistakenly think that by challenging you in similar ways, they will appear more attractive! Women even talk about how "men want a challenge". They are totally wrong however. If their looks don't match their challenges, we'll just dump them entirely and move on as being too much maintenence - which they are.

Thus, it's imparative that you establish that power-base immediately from the moment you approach a woman. There are many ways to do this from using a cocky-funny type approach to neg-hits (like "Hey, those are nice shoes, my grandmother has a pair just like them!") to an aire of disinterest. You also need to call on these tools as the relationship matures because she's going to Test you far more often - and for far longer than a less-attractive woman.

You know that women go for "jerks" right? This is one of the most important reasons why they do so! An apparent jerk seems to move in his own direction at his own speed. This signals power. Likewise, women (not men!) want a challenge, and the challenge of taming the "bad boy" is just too irresistable!

All women will give all men they are interested THE Test. This is a big, emotional - and artificial - situation created early-on in the relationship (usually within a month, but no more than two) that is designed to specifically and clearly establish the power-base within the relationship. Most guys; being the problem-solvers that we are will try to deal with the issue of The Test - not handle it as a Test. This means we've failed - and lost our power-base to boot.

The wise dude will always deal directly and specifically with The Test as a Test instead; thus, firmly establishing a greater power relationship with the woman.

James, this is somewhat complicated at first to grasp, and I've only scratched the scratch of this important topic. I encourage you to read my books "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" for complete understanding of The Test, the Mini-Test and the Pre-Test.

The bottom line is this: don't fault beauties for using these tools. Women have evolved over the millenia to have these (and frankly, many more) tools to establish their own places in relationships. Instead, learn them and more important; learn how to deal with them, and you'll have some incredible, beautiful women that fall in love with you all the time.

That's what these women really want. If you can pass their Tests easily, they feel safe, secure and will give you just as much love and respect as women of lesser looks.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yeah, that is all advice my friend has given. He basically says to date a super hot woman you basically have to be indifferent to them, and tell them as little about you as possible. He works with me for minimum wage which his girlfriend knows he does, but also he owns a business that brings him 40K+ in addition which she doesn't know about. Apparently she has asked him how much he makes, and how much he was going to spend on her for her birthday. Yeah, I don't think she will last too much longer. I'm all for women dating older for when I get there, but women who often claim to be experts in relationships and ridcule men for not having a clue seem to go after very meaningless artificial goals as "proof" that they're part of something beyond all alternatives.

ANSWER: Hello again James!

I like to think about this not as indifference; but as "managed intervention". Let me explain:

This is true with strippers, porn stars and extra beautiful women: the more attention you give them, the more you seem just like everyone else. These girls believe that they should have something special (until the realities of their waning looks as they age set in.) Thus, if you give them all sorts of attention and accolades simply for being attractive, they start to see you just like everyone else!

You see, beauties get all sorts of perks in our culture because we put such a high value on looks. Unfortunately, this almost always comes at no investment on her part whatsoever. If she has to really work to keep your attention, she'll be much more interested in you as being "unique" which translates to "powerful".

On the other hand, you have to give her what she needs too or she'll turn into a lunatic bitch! I see these girls all the time that become devoid of any real personalities because they can't seem to find a combination that works for them within their (ever so important) relationships with these guys. Unfortunately, that's exactly what your friend is creating! Instead of investing in these girls and helping to bring them way beyond their looks, he gives up and moves on.

I've dated many of these beauties and I can say with confidence that very few of them start off thinking that they're attractive at all, let alone, beautiful. Thus, like more average women, they start working on themselves, but soon drop this effort when they come to realize their looks are all they need.

Your job is to discover what those forgotten attributes were, bring them out and build them back up. This isn't as much work as it seems, but let's be clear on this: the guy that can do this has this girl's heart for the rest of her life. He'll always be "the only guy that really understood her".

At the same time, you have to completely disallow any crazy or neurotic behavior that comes from her slipping back to looks-reliance. You do this by ignoring - or even chastizing - this inappropiate behavior and rewarding the behaviors you want.

This really isn't more work at all, it's just different work; and the result is a woman that is confident, poised AND beautiful in the process. Even better, she'll be totally committed only to you because you "get her".

For much more on this, take a look at my send book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World II" where I explain all of this is great depth.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have saved your last answer in a document file. May I quote it if ever I start a webpage for discussing similar subjects?

Answer
Hey James!

Of course! Just quote me accurately - and often!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"