Expert: Aaron Beck - 10/5/2006

Question
Hi Aaron,

I need some tips....I met this gal (for the first time) during a gathering at my place...while talking to her she said to me that she could pass some CDs to me....then after some time i asked her when she can pass the CDs to me..she told me that she will pass it to a guy who was also in the gathering...but i dont know whether she is going on with this guy or not...so i took down the guy number..after 1 week i called him but no reply
and also sms him that i need the gal number so that i could pass some CDs to her also..no reply again...again after 4 days my flatmate called the
house (this gal is NOT staying with them, she lives with her parents at another place) and told them that i wanted to pass some CDs to her and asked for her number....her friend said that she have to ask her first before passing the phone number to me....it has been two weeks and i have not heard anything from the gal and her friend....but i heard that the gal i am keen in  will be going overseas for a holiday (or maybe she is on a holiday now).

What I believe is that the guy is not her boyfriend or maybe just a good friend. It is because when the guy said that he has gone to her native country for a visit, she replied that she was never aware that he has gone to her native country in the first place. WHat do you think?

Well if she is not interested, then why must she say that she would like to pass CDs to me? What do you think? Why is she taking so long to pass the number? I don't know IF i meet her some other time, should i ask her number as I feel awkward? You got any suggestions?

Thanks alot for your help.

Regards,
John.


Answer
John,

I agree that if that guy was her boyfriend, she would have known that he had been to her native country.  So he probably is not her BF.  I also agree that she would not have made the offer to pass come CDs if she didn’t have some interest in you.  

You have tried several times to contact her through other people, is there a way to contact her directly?  If you do see her again, you should DEFINITELY ask for her number (even if you’re scared) because until you let her know you are interested, she has no way of saying “yes or no”.

How did she come to your gathering to begin with?  Did you invite her or did she come with someone else?  If she came with someone else, try contacting that person and trying to get the number so you can all her directly.  Also you could have another gathering and invite her again or make sure she gets invited by someone else.

The sooner you ask, the better.

AB