Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/24/2007

Question
Ok what the hell does "I need a break" or "I need space" mean? I always thought it meant a breakup, but all the people I see on a break have gotten back together. So I'm confused?

Answer
Hello!

There are two types of "breaks". The first is a formal process agreed on by both people in a relationship with specific goals and a very clear timeframe. In fact, it is VERY rare and only recommended when no other method is able to help the couple.

During the duration of the break, the couple should not be dating other people and should be trying to work out whatever particular issues they have together. This is best mediated by a 3rd party in order to get the benefits desired.

The second kind of break is a cowards way of breaking up - but they are too afraid of being alone, or of hurting the other person. Thus, instead of just doing what they should do such as working together as a team to solve whatever problem(s) they have, one person decides they need a "break" in order to not have to tell the other that they want to break up or see other people.

Then, after some unknown time has gone on, the person demanding the break stops answering their phone calls, emails and IM's and just goes into hiding (more cowardice and disrepect). Eventually, the other person feels rejected and is damaged because of this incosiderate, rude, dispicable behavior.

Sometimes these people DO get back together, but in fact, the majority of the damage is already done. These same people usually just end up breaking up again later - often permanently and with great resent for the other.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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