Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/22/2007

Question
Hi, recently I told one of my best friends that I love her.  She told me that she considers me only as a really good friend and only that.  She also told me she loves someone else.  The only thing is I can't stop thinking about her.  I don't want to loose her as a friend, but don't want to give up on a possible relationship.

Answer
Hello Matthew!

I'm sorry to tell you this: as far as being "afraid" of losing her as a friend, you already have.

Think about this: it's going to get creepy pretty soon as she begins to wonder why you're still hanging around when you already told her what you wanted - and she turned you down. When she starts dating someone else, this is going to be even weirder.

Matthew, you need to get this absolutely clear in your mind: you MUST NOT become a woman's "friend" when you might want something more. All women know this and they'll let you decide what you want to be. However, if you choose "friendship" first, you'll never, never, ever be anything else to her.

If you want something more, you have to START with that instead. Don't try to "work it from the inside" thinking that if you become her friend she'll see what a great guy you are and do your work for you. She won't.

For more on this - go read my FAQ's on my website at: http://beingaman.com

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"