Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/28/2007

Question
QUESTION: I think i forgot to tell you this. I did ask her out and didnt tell he where we are going and also did invite her to our annual dinner at my workplace. I did show her that i liked her. Was always finding ways to chill with her after work. I dont think i was to slow in asking her out because you don;t want to start dating a person that you have just met? i am still hazy. Thanks again for your time

ANSWER: Hello!

I still think you waited too long. The symptoms of your situation indicate this. It's either that or she just isn't interested in you at all.

In fact, you DO want to date someone right from the start. The point isn't to become her friend. If you establish that pattern from the start, that's all you'll ever be. If you take things in a different direction right from the start there's no chance of falling into the friends-zone.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am a 23 year old good looking guy who has a good heart and a good perosnality. I have been rejected many times and dont really fully understand why ( most ladies wonder why i am always single), I cant help but wonder if there is something wrong with me that i don't know about . MOst of the situations i have felt rejected in  the sense the girl practically changes how she talks or acts around me and immediately finds another guy and gets into a relationship with him. It alwasy sends me to the loop because i felt an abvious connection bewteen us, which others(friends) had even commented on.  i figured i would post this problems on here because i find it hard to accept that if personality, humor and looks all play a big part in what girls look for in guys, then why do thet seem to run away from me and leave me scrathing my head like curious george

Answer
Hello!

Yes, there's a problem here. The good news is that it's not a huge one and can be easily solved with a little education.

In fact, that's really the issue: you are probably all the things you've said, but those aren't the only things women look for in the men they date and establish relationships with.

There's a far more important aspect to men than their looks and good hearts and personalities. It's power.

I hate to use celebrities as an example of; well, anything, but in fact you probably don't know the other examples I could give you, so let's use them anyway.

Take a look at some of the male celebrities you've seen on talk shows or in magazines (not in film or on recordings however, that's what they do for a living, it's not who they are.) Some of these guys are butt-ugly and have absolutely no personality. They seem to do just fine with women, right? Why do you think that is?

What I teach my students is all about expressing their power. One way to do that, you already know - it's through being confident, but what exactly does that mean? It's more that just being table to talk to people without stumbling. Further, not everyone is confident all the time! As I say, you never get to own confidence, you only get to rent it; although you can learn to rent it anytime you need it, but that's a discussion for another time. There's actually a far better word than confidence, it's "presennce".

No doubt you've been around a group of people when one guy walks in and everyone looks at him. He didn't say anything and isn't even dressed differently. There's just something about him. That's what presence is. He may not even be overly confident. There's just that something.

You can learn to have presence too, and in fact, you already do. You just need to learn to bring it out in yourself.

Another key is in learning to create rapport and connection quickly and easily. You do this through communication skills. Let me give you an example.

The weekend before last, I was in a big hotel with a bunch of friends and we were talking about these exact same skills. We were walking through the lobby and one of the guys asked me exactly how it's done. So, I found the most beautiful girl in the room and went right up to her and in 2 minutes I had her number - the third one I had gotten that day. This is the kind of girl you just drop your jaw over as she walks by and think about the rest of the day. We're going out next week.

This wasn't about impressing these guys at all, it was simply to show how powerful and easy learning to build rapport and connection is. More important, this is also how you create "attraction".

Franco, these are all just skills you can learn like anyone else. There is obviously far more than I can give you via these messages, but suffice it to say that the only problem you have is just one of knowledge. Go read my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and get that knowledge already! It sounds like you have everything else going for you that you need - except a few basic skills.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"