Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/28/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hello Dennis,

When a man and a woman start seeing each other regularly and not dating other people, and they have been taking things slow making sure they are really interested in each other and care for each other as individuals and not just for sex, about how long into the relationship should the couple proceed to having sex?

I know that it is a different time frame for every couple so this answer may vary. But I know that if a woman does not have sex with a man by a certain point, the man moves on emotionally.

Around what time is a good time for the average couple to have sex then...a month into the relationship? Two months? I'm asking AVERAGE and in GENERAL here, I know this does not apply to everyone. But from what you see in the average couple.

Thank you!
Ana
ANSWER: Hello Ana!

You're right - it's different for every couple, but in VERY general terms, most couples start having sex within a month or two; but again, it depends on the couple.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION:
Is there a certain time period that the man leaves the woman by if he doesn't get sex?
ANSWER: Hello again Ana!

There is a timeframe - but not a specific one. Every man is different and I recommend that men set their own specific, clear timeframes. Here's why:

While men ultimately control the relationship (if they're smart!) women control the sex. You girls are masters at keeping your agendas under wraps and men usually don't know what you have in mind. In fact, this all part of the "dance" - you want to see if men are strong enough to move things forward with you; often despite not knowing.

However, men aren't going to just throw themselves into relationships emotionally - it's not the way we're wired. Until you have us physically, you're unlikely (but it's not impossible - some guys are willing to give you this, but not most), to give you our emotional selves.

That's why it's in your best interest to know exactly what you want before you start dating someone. By being clear on this and finding out how a particular guy fits your goals, it'll be much easier to move the relationship along if there's a match.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: You know, I was dating this guy for 6 weeks and really starting to fall in love with him. He was so good to me, and I really throught he was the one, but yeah the thing is I'm a virgin and he has had sex with his previous girlfriend, and actually we got pretty intimate...but we hadn't had sex yet. He told me "we're not ready to have sex yet." ok what's that supposed to mean? I mean wouldn't most guys want to have sex? or was he just being sarcastic...cuz then he broke up with me a couple weeks later. So I'm really confused. Did he want sex with me and he left because he wasn't getting it? Or did he not want sex with me because of what he said and he broke up with me for some other reason? This has me stumped becuase we didn't have any relatoinship problems and he always told me how happy he was with me, how special he thought I was, and how much he cared about me and didn't want to lose me. Hmm. I'm stumped. Your insight?
ANSWER: Hey Ana!

Yes, most guys would want to have sex and he's no different. Unfortunately, there's no way to know what was going through his mind. Maybe he got tired of waiting for you to make a move becuase he didn't know how to do this himself, or maybe he met someone else or got back with one of his ex's. I'm afraid I don't know!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well that's really sad, because I really did care about him a lot. You know, if he had just waited a little bit longer, I would have asked him to make love to me because I really thought he was the right guy. But hey, in that case, if that really was the reason he left me - I'm glad I didn't give my virginity away to a jerk!
ANSWER: Yo! Ana!

As I've said thousands of times, virginity is highly overrated.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION:
If a man really loves a woman, really REALLY loves her...such as wants to marry her...how long is he willing to wait...I see some guys waiting years for that special woman and never straying. And the guy doesn't seem like a loser or anything. What's the magic secret?

Answer
Hey Ana!

As I've said before, very few men will fall in love with you - that is "really REALLY" fall in love with you if they haven't had sex with you first. No man is going to invest himself that far emotionally without having you physically.

You build a relationship a piece at a time. Every man has his timeframe and there are not "standards". Some men will wait only a few dates (like me) and some will wait for many months.

Whatever the case, no man says, "Ok, I'm going to be in this relationship for 2.5 years." Instead, they take it one day (or date) at a time.

So, for you, your answer is this: work to find someone with whom you have physical, emotional and intellectual "chemistry". When things are right and you feel comfortable that's the time to explore your relationship further - you don't "give" yourself to anyone. Instead, you share something together that makes your relationship and all the chemistry stronger.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"