Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/19/2007

Question
QUESTION: ok Dr. Dennis. I'm julio I'm 17 years old. I like to go to the mall every weekend and I see this cute girl all the time and i think she is really pretty. I want to ask her if she want to hangout with me some time , but i don't know how to do it. i need some options!! thanks

ANSWER: Hello Julio!

I teach guys a little thing I call "context". This is your reason to approach her. In context, you simply have to ask yourself, what do you and she have in common at that moment in time at that place. This works for ANY woman ANYWHERE! It doesn't just have to be this woman!

So, what's your "context" for approaching her? Simple: you both hang out at the mall; likely with your buddies. By the way, these friends can be a real help to you here! You can talk to them and have them help you in the approach. There are a number of rules when you're using wing-men, but in general you want to make sure they know you're interested in the girl and they're job is to help you meet her. Then, you'll do the same thing for them.

So, let's say you don't have any friends with you when you go to the mall - no problem. All you need to do is this:

Walk up to her and her group (she's going to be with friends.) Don't talk directly to her - talk to the group instead! Engage the entire group. Ask them why you see them at the mall every weekend - do they work there? Are they waiting around for it to close so they can clean up? Don't they have homes? The point is to talk to the group and get some rapport and connection going while you IGNORE your target.

You want to try to make them laugh and have fun. They'll actually accept you in as part of the group as you do this! Be fun and engaging with them all EXCEPT your target.

The girl you're interested in is going to feel left out and that's the point! Eventually, you want to turn to her and say, "You know, I've been ignoring you! What's your name?" She'll instantly change since I'll bet she's more used to getting hit on then the rest. By ignoring her, she's going to notice it and be glad when you finally start talking to her.

Then, you want to eventually split her off the group by asking her open-ended questions (see my FAQ's about this on my website) and finally, close her for her number. Don't bother with the email address - it's too weak. You're eventually going to have to get her number anyway if you want to see her again, so do it now.

Your buddies can help you here too. They can help engage the group with you, but they need to ignore your target at the same time. Stand beside your target, engage everyone else and then, when you're ready to move (should only be about 5-7 minutes worth), start talking to this girl. That's a signal to your buddies that they need to take the rest of the group's attention away from you and her. They can even work their backs toward you to "peel" her off so you and she can be alone and you can spin your magic!

Julio, there's a ton that goes into these cold approaches and I've given you just the basics. I suggest you take a look at my "Hunting Seminar on DVD" for a VERY complete explaination of all sorts of approaches and closes - alone or with a group, single woman or group or even multiple targets in the same group - and a ton more.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: oh!!! I see i get it, but the thing she works in a store,  I always see her by herself helping other people to choose what they want. alright I like the number part, it was really interesting. should i walk up to her and start talking to her? thanks!

where can i check your hunter seminiar?

Answer
Hello again Julio!

As I said, there's a ton that goes into a good (effective) approach. The numbers, situation, environment, attitudes, and many, many other things all make a difference in how you adjust your approach. This by the way is why pick-up lines DO NOT WORK! They are just the lazy-guy's way to try to avoid learning how it's really done. The worse thing is - they come off this way too and woman are totally turned off by them. Thus, you instantly kill off many otherwise good approaches by using them!

Yes, you need to talk to her if you want to make something happen. She's not just going to go running out of the store and shove her digits into your hands. It's through this communication process that you create interest, rapport, familiarity, etc., and THIS is how she'll shove her number into your hands.

By the way - I recommend that you go for digits, not an email address. In order to keep that excitement going, you're going to need to talk to her on the phone. Thus, if you get an email address you're eventually going to have to ask her for it anyway (very quickly, I might add) so go for it first. Don't bother with the email address by itself. Also - don't give her your number and ask her to call you. It's your job to do this and SHE knows it. You'll never get a call from a girl this way.

One more thing about sales girls: keep in mind that it's her job to be friendly and engaging. Thus, you can't judge her interest here. Many a guy will walk out of a store or restaurant thinking he just scored with some great woman because she was so damn friendly! In fact, that's just her job.

So, go talk to her, but keep it SHORT. She's working and doesn't have time for a long conversation. Just break the ice, spend a few minutes and go for the number close.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"