Expert: PracticalHappiness.com - 12/1/2007

Question
More than once I have read and heard about how if you seem "desperate" it somehow causes you to appear unattractive to the woman you are interested in. If this is the case, I'm afraid that I have been making the mistake my entire life. The trouble is that it is the way I am. Ever since I was a little kid I only wish to be very nice to the girl that I am interested in. All the stuff that, according to what everyone is saying, is a bad idea. Hugs, kisses, compliments, presents, all that stuff. It would seem to me that to behave different would be like lying to her. And I hate the idea of lying to a woman that I care for. And to be the opposite would be to not interact with her which would not advance the relationship. If the things that I naturally express to a woman are ineffective or leads to being "just friends", then how exactly should I be acting.  I'm very confused about this."

Answer
Hey, Todd. Thanks for a great question. I believe that the concept of challenge is the most misunderstood concept in the whole dating advice area. Men tend to take it to the extreme (and some "experts" take it way too far as well). There is a long way from being a doormat / wimp / supplicating man to being unavailable and a "challenge." In fact, there is a huge area in between - an area where you can be both nice and accommodating and confident and strong, show to a woman that you like her and enjoy her company without begging for her attention.   
Some gurus suggest not interacting with a woman as much and making yourself artificially unavailable. I don't believe in that and I have never seen it work. It simply doesn't make sense. A woman becomes interested in a woman as she gets to know him, but if she doesn't have an opportunity to do that because you don't spend any time with her, then it simply can't happen.

Thanks, and I hope this helps. If not, please follow up. And if you found my answer helpful, please rate me on this site and comment on my work.

A.I.
www.PracticalHappiness.com