Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/8/2007

Question
I've known this girl for a long time, because I've been good friends with her
brother for seven or eight years.  Last year we started dating, and I thought
things were going well.  I'm always the perfect gentleman, and I'm willing to
do anything to make her happy.  But just last week she became very quiet.
When I pressed her on it, and she made me swear not to hate her, then told
me that she had decided that I was too much like a brother.  I was stunned,
and I asked her if there was anything I could change to fix it.  She said, "just
give it time."  She said she still would like to hang out with me occasionally,
and reminded me that she still owes me a ride in the car her dad's been fixing
up for her.  Needless to say, I've been heartbroken ever since.  I'd give
anything for her to change her mind.  Is there anything at all I could do to win
her back?  Or should I try my best to move on?

Answer
Hello Bryant!

Here's the best thing you can do to try to win her back: start dating other girls right away.

Part of the problem here is that you've been a "perfect gentleman." That works in old movies, but it doesn't work in real life. What it shows is that you're a coward and not willing to make any moves with her.

Let me show you how I'd have handled this:

1) I wouldn't have waited 7-8 years, (however, I understand that she may have been too young.)
2) I'd have set up a date with her.
3) On the date, I'd have kiss her!
4) She would never have seen me as her "brother" because I'd have been working the chemistry between us.
5) I'd turn on the charm when we were together, but I'd also have given her plenty of space for her feminine mind to work to my advantage when we weren't together.
6) If she'd told me that about seeming like "her brother" I'd have been angry at her and I'd have told her so.
7) I'd be out with someone else the very next day while she "thought it over".

Bryant, either way, you're eventually going to have to start dating other girls, I suggest this is the time to do so - while she "thinks it over". She's not going to feel like she lost something if you just hang around waiting for her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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