Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/22/2006

Question
Dr. Dennis how are you? thanks for the advice you gave me on a previous question.

I need advice on another woman I just met yesterday. I met her while dining at a restuarant. She works behind the bar. she was very nice to me. I try not to read to much into waitresses and bartenders being very friendly since this is their job anyway.

But in my opinion she was being more than just friendly.
When I sat down at the table she introduced herself to me and reached out and shook my hand. We engaged in some small talk and as the conversation progressed she asked me all kinds of personal questions like, where do you live, are you married and do you have any kids, etc. I just got that I wanna know more about you vibe from her. And even though I'm somewhat of a shy guy unlike most women she either did not pick up on it or she didn't seem to mind.

One thing she said that stood out to me was when I told her that I was thinking about eating at another location, she looked at me with a big smile on her face and said I'm glad you chose to come here today. And I said Me Too! I know lame, couldn't think of a better response at the time.

Anyway we had a very nice conversation and ofcourse I got the digits. But this is where I usually screw up. I'm worried about a few things. NO.1 she's alot younger than me.
I'm 35 but I look younger (by the way she doesn't know how old I am). She's 21.

No 2. I usually have trouble getting the date. I'm wondering whether or not I should call her first or just visit her at the restaurant again to get to know her a little better. What do you think? And do you think she will bail once she finds out my age?

Thanks, Lamar

Answer
Hello Lamar!

I see this is the exact same question you've asked other experts here. You even gave me the exact same "thanks" as you gave everyone else! You'll pardon me if I'm not entirely flattered by it, especially since we've never written before!

Frankly, your age is absolutely no issue whatsoever unless you choose to make it one. I suggest you not. Many younger girls are attracted to older men. While I date women that are older, I also date women that are much younger than me. Age is absolutely no factor whatsoever.

When you set up dates, here's my list (in order of value - best being first) of your options:

1) In person
2) Over the phone
3) Internet chat or IM
4) Email
5) Snail mail
6) Carrier pigeon

I only suggest you use #1 and 2 to set-up dates unless you have absolutely no other way to do it. Even better would have been to set it when you got the digits, but at least you closed!

If you go back there, say hello to her, make some small talk (only a couple of minutes or so) and then close for the date. Do it by saying "I need to get going, but I'd like to continue this conversation. Let's get together this weekend. Which is better for you, Friday or Saturday night?"

If you decide to call her (which is why you got the number), then absolutely, positively DO NOT leave a message! Women will not call you back. Period. You have to get her on the phone or nothing.

When you set the date, be clear and specific about when and where. Don't leave anything up to chance here. Also, DO NOT agree to call and confirm the date. If you can't be specific when you're setting it, you're just opening yourself up to all sorts of problems - like her not answering the phone.

Also, don't let her tell you that she's got to check her calendar or anything like that. If she doesn't know which of two days she has available within a week or so, she's just playing you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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