Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/9/2007

Question
How can I do or say to my girlfriend to further our relationship even though the kids do not like the idea of us as a couple

Answer
Hello Fredrick!

I think you and she need to sit down with the kids and have a talk. Explain that while you're not their father (or she's not their mother if that's the case) they need to come to grips with you being together as it's going to be for a long time.

You don't simply want to tell them of course, kids will never go for that. Instead, you want to get their buy-in. Ask them how they'd like to be involved in your relationship. What things can you do together as a "family" that they'd enjoy. In short, the non-biological parent needs to establish their own relationship with the kids.

After you've done this, you should find that things calmer at home. It doesn't mean that there won't be flare-up's, that's common and expected. However, the better relationship the adults have with the kids - away from your relationship with your girlfriend - the better things will be.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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